Creep Factor Scale: Interest In Roy Oswalt

PHILADELPHIA, PA: Roy Oswalt #44 of the Philadelphia Phillies looks on against the Texas Rangers at Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The Rangers won 2-0. (Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images)

A lot of teams have been interested in free agent Roy Oswalt. Writers have chosen some unsettling ways to tell us.

Roy Oswalt is presently a free agent. Being Roy Oswalt, he's attracted a lot of attention, even despite his age and injury concerns. There exists a healthy Roy Oswalt market, and from that market will eventually emerge a winner of a shiny, mostly intact Roy Oswalt.

A number of teams are or have been interested in Oswalt. Because it isn't interesting to keep on repeating the word "interest", writers have had to find other ways to convey the same idea. Some of these ways are more unsettling than others. Below you will find some examples, along with their rating on the Creep Factor Scale, where 1 is as creepy as a fluffy baby bunny, and 10 is as creepy as walking into the bathroom to discover the hanging severed head of a fluffy baby bunny with the eyes removed and replaced by shards of mirror from the medicine cabinet. A 10 is super creepy.

Of note: During my research, I stumbled upon this post from Craig Calcaterra. We arrived at our thoughts independently. So I'm not the only one who's noticed something uncomfortable.

Onward we go.

***

"Interested"

With Mark Melancon trade, Red Sox have more to spend on rotation. They are still interested in Roy Oswalt, sources say.

Source

Creep Factor: 1

Do you know the actual definition of "interesting"? According to Dictionary.com, it's "engaging or exciting and holding the attention or curiosity." When one person says something, and another person replies "interesting", the first person will assume that the second person is being dismissive, or otherwise doesn't care. That is not true! Or at least that should not be true. "Interesting" should be a very positive response. "That thing that you said is exciting and holds my curiosity!" One can be interested in a cloud. One can be interested in the rain. One can be interested in an animal, or in another person. Interest is harmless.

"Talking to"

Sources: Phillies still talking to Oswalt as they finish with Madson, consider Cuddyer.

Source

Creep Factor: 2

This is pretty low on the scale. The only thing that keeps it from being a 1 is the possibility that the conversation is rude, belligerent or unseemly. Without more information, we have to take all possibilities into account. There are conversations that are not creepy, and there are conversations that are creepy.

"Make contact"

Yankees make contact with rep for top free agent pitchers Roy Oswalt, C.J. Wilson

Source

Creep Factor: 3

This is pretty low on the scale, because to make contact could be simply to say a cheerful "hello!" This is not the lowest on the scale because to make contact could be to bodycheck, or to brush against suggestively and unwelcomely. Beginning by making spoken contact is generally uncreepy. Beginning by making physical contact is generally creepy.

"Target"

Word is, the Nats' offer to Buehrle fell short in both AAV and number of years. Their target now is Roy Oswalt.

Source

Creep Factor: 5

"Target", on its own, does not seem that bad. What is a target but a goal, right? And aren't we always told to have goals? But to make a person a goal is a whole other matter. It has connotations of determination and desperation that can drive one to do some unpleasant things. To make Roy Oswalt a target implies that one will go to considerable length to get him. Creepy, kind of.

"Pursuit"

Talked to several agents and execs today. Rockies are being aggressive in pursuit of Oswalt.

Source

Creep Factor: 9

I read that and think of this.


"Eyed"

The Sox may have competition from the Yankees on Oswalt, who is also being eyed by the St. Louis Cardinals, where Oswalt would love to pitch.

Source

Creep Factor: 8

This isn't just a glance. Sure, it could be innocent flirtation, but this conjures the image of someone sitting at a table or a bench, staring intently at a stranger. Imagine that you're out. Imagine that you notice someone you don't know looking at you, for a long time. You will feel self-conscious. Then you will feel creeped out.

"Sniffing"

Better hurry, though. The Cardinals are sniffing on Oswalt.

Source

Creep Factor: 10

I'm pretty sure I'd get slapped with a restraining order if I sniffed my own girlfriend. Sniffing = strange behavior + intimacy. Strange behavior + intimacy = absolute terror.

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