In case you're new here, Fumblr.com is a pretend blogging platform filled with single-serving blogs about the last week of NFL action. This week's edition is particularly heavy on schadenfreude, but that's okay, because I found salvation in Yellow Cheesus.
"And lo, Cheesus would sacrifice his own team to bring back the referees. Some appreciated his selflessness, but the Baylesstines and Wilbonites loudly proclaimed him dead. Yea, but in the sixth week, he rose again and said to the haters, 'Shhhhh.'"
Heroic troll of the week goes to Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman, who intercepted a pass and broke up a certain touchdown in Seattle's comeback win, then enjoyed the afterglow of victory on Twitter.
Brady sure looks like a man who turned the 12thMan against us twitter.com/RSherman_25/st…— Richard Sherman (@RSherman_25) October 15, 2012
He followed that up by tweeting -- and later deleting -- the picture below, with the caption "He told me and earl [Thomas] to see him after the game when they win..... I found him after...."
Not content with that, Sherman then spent the next TWO AND A HALF HOURS trolling Patriots fans who responded to him. As a Seattle fan, I'm terrified of his bravado mere days before a Thursday night game in San Francisco; outspoken confidence has rarely been kind to the Seahawks (see also: "We want the ball and we're going to score!"). But as a denizen of the internet, I'm impressed with his fluency in memes. That's a Stanford education at work, folks.
A final note about the Pats-Seahawks game: I've never borne the hatred for the Patriots that the average NFL fan does; I have somehow appreciated their persistent excellence while largely ignoring their fans and the Boston media. That objective appreciation changes when your team finally faces off against their stupid awesome offense, and f**king Danny Woodhead keeps converting 3rd-and-11s and Wes Welker gets 10 catches for 138 yards and a score. Over the course of three hours, I came to hate the Patriots very, very much.
So, when this finally happened in the second half...
"BOOM! YES! EAT IT WELKER, YOU [eight consecutive swear words]!!!" God, it's so cathartic. Let's watch that from one more angle.
Mmmmm, that's delicious. Thank you, Brandon Browner.
(Jim Rogash - Getty Images)
Party Elway's a cool dude. Just hangin' out with party people, flashin' the ol' thumbs up, and waiting for Coors to make Coors Light Lime.
With the Giants and Broncos both winning this week, the Manningface fumblr is on hiatus (though we got a small taste in the first half of Monday Night Football.) Instead, we crank the schadenfreude up to 11 for a children's treasury of Philip Rivers screwing the pooch.
(screencaps via 30fps)
(Photo credit: Christopher Hanewinckel-US PRESSWIRE)
(Photo credit: Jeff Gross - Getty Images)
Chuck Klosterman once wrote that Ryan Adams owed it to the rest of humanity to be miserable, because that's when Adams made his best music. Similarly, Philip Rivers should throw four interceptions in a devastating primetime choke job every game.
I hate the position the NFL puts me in every October. I don't like the random pink uniform items, but I especially dislike being put in a position where speaking out against them makes me insensitive about breast cancer. And I'm not. I love breasts, and I have the Internet search history to prove it. But there has to be SOME way to raise awareness and money for breast cancer research that doesn't create a month of eyesores. Can I donate money for players to NOT wear pink shoes and gloves?
Sorry, that was insensitive. I apologize.
Sigh. Damn you, Goodell.