Jon's NFL Mailbag: Officials should know the rules and not get drunk

Rick Stewart - Getty Images

In this installment of Jon's NFL Mailbag, we learn invaluable officiating advice, and we relive the despair experienced by Bills fans Sunday.

Hi, friends! I'd like to start things off by sharing a real, actual PR email I received this week. I'm not going to publish the names in this email because I'm not trying to embarrass anybody:

The NFL refs are back to work from their strike (thank goodness)! Players and their fans want them to do all they can to stay healthy and to remain on the field, where they belong. Below are tips from Dr. [name withheld], Board Certified Sports Medicine expert and Orthopedic Surgeon, on what REFS can do to stay healthy.

1. Hydrate- now that they are back on the field and not watching from home they need to switch from beer to water!

2. Endurance- be certain they stretch well and don't end up on the injured reserves!

3. Know the rules- make sure you remember how to make an accurate touch down/ field goal call!

4. Injury Prevention- always wrap old injuries to prevent re-injuring ankles, arms, knees, etc.
5. Lastly, Stay away from Bill Belichick

Please let me know if you would like to speak with Dr. [name withheld] on these fun yet important tips.

So there you have it! Looks like they answered a lot of your questions here. Guess I can chuck these out the window:

is it acceptable to use the words "strike" and "lockout" interchangeably?

WHERE THE F*** CAN I FIND TIPS FROM A F***ING ORTHOPEDIC SURGEON ON WHAT REFS CAN DO TO STAY HEALTHY?!!?!?!?

do you think that it's important to stay hydrated

wouldn't it be funny if a referee forgot the rules of football??? haha

blil belichck;

do you have any fun yet important tips

do you know of anyone who has any fun yet important tips

Thanks for writing in, people I totally made up. I usually get 45 trillion useless PR emails a day, and I'm happy to have found one that y'all could actually find useful. Next!

Do Sunday Night Football games tend to be closer than Monday Night Football games?

- Billothy D., Fudge, Kentucky

I was curious about this too! Given the production quality and the tendency to feature especially intriguing match-ups, I was tempted to believe that Sunday Night Football delivered more close games than Monday Night Football. We certainly saw this in Week 4, when a 19-17 Eagles win Sunday night was followed up by the Bears' Monday night trashing of the Cowboys.

As it turns out, though, both SNF and MNF registered about the same number of close games last season (seven one-score games on Sunday nights, six on Monday nights). I did see, however, that MNF closed out last season with the following scores:

45-7
34-3
49-24
38-14
30-13
20-3
45-16

Seven enormous blowouts in a row, all in front of a national TV audience. Also, it was Monday night in the dead of Winter, and we were listening to Jon Gruden. Sigh.

please tell me what to think about Jay Cutler and Tony Romo

- Meal R., Fudge, Kentucky

They're good quarterbacks who mess up sometimes. They're basically John Elway before he won his Super Bowls. For further/more interesting opinions, please see literally every other person on the entire Internet.

hi yes what is your opinion on Matt Birk's anti-gay marriage column

- Dreadford L., Fudge, Kentucky

Components of it are reasonable! The Ravens center does make some concessions that a lot of folks in the anti-LGBT marriage crowd do not: that allowing gay folks to marry will not compromise the integrity of his marriage, and that the gay-marriage movement is not the greatest threat to the institution of marriage.

His argument ended how this argument usually tends to end: early.

Same-sex unions may not affect my marriage specifically, but it will affect my children -- the next generation. Ideas have consequences, and laws shape culture. Marriage redefinition will affect the broader well-being of children and the welfare of society.

He's implying that kids with same-sex parents will grow up with problems as a result. If there was research to back that up, that is probably the part where he would elaborate. I swear to God, one day one of these folks will make a complete argument. Until then, I guess we're stuck with offensive lineman half-arguing that the Irish shouldn't be able to buy stamps because "sanctity of postal service" or whatever.

do folks from all across the net give a hoot about football

- Mop R., Fudge, Kentucky

They certainly do! What an excellent question! Let's look in on how fans at our Bills blog, Buffalo Rumblings, reacted to the second half of the Bills-Patriots game.

Oh, this is very enjoyable.

- 2:51 p.m., Donald Jones' 68-yard touchdown puts the Bills up 21-7

Gosh darn it

- 2:58 p.m., Danny Woodhead cuts the Bills' lead to 21-14

I'm going to cry

- 3:11 p.m., Tom Brady scrambles for a touchdown to tie the game at 21

Could be looking at 49-21 again.

- 3:28 p.m., Brady finds Rob Gronkowski in the end zone to take a 28-21 lead

Sigh

- 3:38 p.m., Stevan Ridley scores and the Patriots take a 35-21 lead

bunch of heartless losers, great effort buffalo

- 3:46 p.m., Patriots capitalize on a turnover and lead 42-21

Great throw, Fitz!

I hope they online kick it because it really doesn’t matter where the Pats get the ball…they’re scoring.

- 3:58 p.m., Ryan Fitzpatrick throws a TD pass to Brad Smith, Bills trail 42-28

it's not over yet

- 4:00 p.m., right before the Bills' onside kick attempt is unsuccessful

49 points allowed at home

- 4:08 p.m., minutes before the Patriots kick a field goal to take a 52-28 lead

Anything that has happened for a long time at this point is simply the team crying itself to sleep.

- 4:12 p.m.

So yeah, that was probably the most glum game thread in the network Sunday. At least y'all are 2-2.

Thanks for not writing in, everyone! See you next week!

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