The List: How is Phil Jackson spending his Monday?

Kevork Djansezian

Monday morning, the Lakers announced that Mike D'Antoni will be their new head coach, having passed up 11-time champion Phil Jackson. Phil was reportedly 'stunned' by the news. Here's how he's passing time today.

1. Sitting on one end of his bed with one sock on and the other sock in his hand

2. Struggling with the damn juicer, man, why's it so complicated

3. Calling Derek Fisher to ask him how many cups are in a quart

4. Standing in the corner of his living room, face to the wall, arms at sides, wondering how Nightcrawler could teleport his clothes with him and didn't just show up somewhere naked

5. Pulling his collection of Sartre, Sun Tzu, et al. off his bookshelves, replacing them with every Chicken Soup for the Soul book he could find at Target

6. Beginning his diary entry with, "this morning I just moped around," pausing, sitting upright, staring out window, and leaving to go purchase a moped

7. Watching instructional yoga DVD, not doing yoga, wondering why anyone ever does yoga

8. Watching CFL game on ESPN3, eating celery straight out of bag

9. Sitting in bathtub, consuming Tofutti by the handful

10. Spending two hours in Google Earth trying to find the shortest road in the world

11. Pentuple-knotting bathrobe belt

12. Crying loudly, with deep, heaving gasps, and for a very long time

13. Getting stoned, watching Jungle 2 Jungle

(With an assist from Spencer Hall)

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