The List: Guy Fieri's NFL-inspired menu items

Harry How

World-famous chef Guy Fieri is drawing ire for his new Times Square restaurant. Wait 'til you see his new NFL-inspired dishes; they'll knock your socks off!

- The Atlanta Falcons "Bird is the Word" Chicken Sandwich. Hotlanta here we come! Two slammin' chicken breasts, pepperoni, super-melty jack cheese and a heaping helping of Donkey Sauce! Get that "Matty Ice Style" by adding bacon for just $2.50 more!

- The New York Giants Giant Hog Leg. A fire-crackled leg of roast pig, glazed with a honey-bacon-maple caramelized drizzle and served with bacon-wrapped curly fries. Comes with garlic-wasabi tzatziki for dippin'!

- The Kansas City Chiefs Visine-a-rita. Guaranteed to kickstart your run game!

- The Arizona Cardinals "Flip the Bird" Quesadilla! Guy's own "muy caliente" Buffalo sauce-tossed chicken bites crammed into two oversized flour tortillas oozing with triple-jalapeno habanero jack cheese. Comes topped with Donkey Cream and Donkamole!

- The San Francisco 49ers "San Francisco Meat"! A Rice-A-Roni-crusted ribeye steak served on top of Guy's own special-recipe sourdough cheese bread. Comes with a wasabi Thousand-Island demiglaze and served with deep-fried Bangin' Broccoli Bites.

- Will Smith's New England Patriots "Welcome ta Surf and Earf" -- an entire Maine lobster stuffed inside a 76-ounce steak, deep fried in popcorn batter and dipped in Guy's Vermont cheddar cheezbang sauzz.

- The New Orleans Saints "Gare-RONE-tee!" Gyro. An authentic "N'AWLINS" treat that features shaved lamb and beef blasted with Guy's signature cajun garlic wasabi spices. Served in a pita pocket with super-sharp American cheese, griled onions, sauteed tomatoes and crumbled bacon bits, this is one French Quarter tradition that will have you yelling, "Merci!"

-The San Diego Chargers "Norville Reddenbacher" Famous Bowl. Can't decide what to run with? We'll dump it all in one easy-breezy bowl for you to power through! Popcorn-crusted popcorn chicken, andouille sausage, chunks of real ham, deep-fried beef ravioli, Guy's signature Lobster Fingers and rich cream corn come piled high on a plateau of baked potato skins and waffle-sized waffle fries. We cover the whole thing in gravy, "just like mama used to make"!

- The Houston Texans BBQ Bonanza! You won't want to send your third-stringer to tackle this one! A full rack of supersized double-smoked beef ribs, slow-cooked for 26 hours in our WASABINATOR 5000 until they're falling off the bone with 100% authentic Houston flavor kick! Slathered, smothered and dripping with Fieri Fire garlic honey BBQ sauce. Don't forget the napkins! Comes with a half-pound of pulled pork and a full roast chicken.

- The Tony Sparano Fuhgeddaboutit Tom-Tom Calzone. Come home to Roma, and enjoy the authentic taste of the old country kicked up to red, white, and blue standards with the wise guy's primo dinner specialty. We take three pounds of melted provolone, gouda, monterey jack, and mozzarella, add sun-dried tomatoes, pepperdews, eggplant, samarkand bartichokes, and savory chunks of Cuernavaca chorizo, and then slam it home into a semolina satchel as thick as a funky camel's gut. Comes with two drumsticks of fried mortadella so you can rock out America style at your table. Ba-rat-a-tat-tat!

- The Mike Smith Spaghetti Junction Pasta Bowl: plain noodles covered in nothing sauce.

- The Washington Redskins "Fed-Skins" charcuterie platter. You call yourself a "Skins" fan? Prove it with our four-person appetizer platter that features the finest in epidermal vittles. You get a full pound-and-a-quarter each of: rosemary-bacon chicken skin, crispy wasabi salmon skin, duck skin salt-and-pepper kettle-baked chips, and chunks of ghost pepper jack cheese to cleanse the palate!

- Matt Ryan's License To Milk: 100% American milk, served in a signature Ed Hardy-designed Day of the Dead mug.

- The Andy Reid Gutbuster Challenge: Now THIS is a cheezsteak that will have you calling "timeout"! Two pounds of beef, onions, and peppers stuffed in a potato shaped like a hoagie with an "overdose" Guy's garlic-mayo cheese sauce. Comes with Philly Phreedom Phries and wasabi honey dill aioli for your dippin', dunkin', and drinkin' pleasure!

- The Oakland Raiders "Just Gin, Baby!" Three gallons of Bombay Sapphire gin, served in a souvenir Raiders bucket.

- The Jay Cutler Smokin' Fajita Platter. Love the sizzling fajitas you get at your local neighborhood bar and grill? Guy takes it up FIVE AND A HALF NOTCHES by lighting your fajitas on fire for that extra-smoky flavor that your crave. Chow down into your maximum-well-done wasabi pico de gallo-smothered meat and peppers. Comes with Cool Ranch Doritos tortillas and your choice of bear or horse meat.

- JaXXXonville Bag-War: a paper sack filled with random shit from the kitchen who even cares you're not going to order this anyway

- Ed Reed's Hobo Lobo Rojo Mojo Power Fries. Sweet potato fries lambasted with whey protein spray and dunked in a tin can full of condensed coconut milk. Served nestled in signature Guy Fieri sneaker (Buy whole pair for half off after the meal!)

- The Indianapolis Colts Indiana Feedbag! Strap this one on if you're a true Midwesterner! Just a canvas sack filled with whole oats and a sugar cube to finish.

- The Sean "The Don" Brawn Payton Bounty Booty Bordello Flank Steak. A 195-pound slab of real cow ass slathered in Tuscan garlic chipotle mole Honduran everglaze, and then tippity topped with shovelfuls of Guy's own special trademark sauce: Cadillac Mushroom Sweat. Eat the whole thing and YOU ARE A SHARK.

For further reading, please consult the New York Times review of Guy's American Kitchen & Bar.

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