The List: Most unreasonable NHL demands during lockout negotiations

Bruce Bennett

The NHL lockout will hopefully be coming to an end soon. Here's a bit of an insight into why the negotiations went so poorly.

- 100% of revenue and no player salaries

- Skate blades must be 18 inches high and three feet long

- All locker-room Slap Shot references must instead be replaced with references to Boat Trip

- Regular season reduced to four games, postseason expanded to 15 rounds of round-robin, followed by 22 best-of-seven series

- All Canadian players banned "in the interest of creating a level playing field"

- Replace jersey chest logos with a picture of team owner's face

- Rename the Stanley Cup the "GEICO C'mon Man! Cup"

- Stars awarded at the end of the game for most severe concussion(s) given, rather than most exemplary play

- One-up baseball by having the winner of the All-Star Game determine home ice advantage AND winner of the Stanley Cup Final.

- Instead of "pucks," use egg-shaped brown "balls." And also don't use sticks, or ice, or nets, or skates. And make the rink, like, 100 yards long. Give or take. Could you make something like that happen?

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