The List: Upcoming Lane Kiffin rules violations

Robert Laberge

USC head coach Lane Kiffin has been involved in plenty of minor rules scandals over the years. What's next on his agenda?

- Gum placed in kickoff tees

- Players hiding steel plates under their jerseys like Bret Hart luring Goldberg into a trap

- Footballs surreptitiously replaced with soccer balls painted brown

- Swapping out defensive backs with stolen cardboard cutouts of Nick Saban

- A fake field goal attempt where the kicker is swapped out with a live bear wearing a USC uniform

- Methamphetamine

- Outfitting players with shoulder-mounted loudspeakers that blast "Flight of the Valkyrie" at 140 dB

- USC mascot does a variation of "the bucket trick" to opposing team's coach. The first time, the bucket is filled with confetti. The second time, the bucket is filled with water. The third time, the mascot pulls out a revolver.

- Lycanthropy

- Swarm of R/C cars on the field to distract the refs

- Kicking mule

- Icy Hot in the jock straps of opposing team

- Just regular old "paying players"

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