#Lookit

Real things about Hulk Hogan's new restaurant

We made none of this up.

All of the following things are real and are not made up:

  • Hulk Hogan is opening a restaurant.
  • This is not his first restaurant. His first one was called Pasta Mania. It was located in the Mall of America.
  • Your parents did not have your birthday there because they did not love you at all, and never have.
  • His description of the restaurant: "It's going to be Jimmy Buffet's [Margaritaville] times 10; Hooters times 10."
  • The math behind this statement: unknown, undefined, and unexplored by any branch of science.
  • Hogan said he didn't want to "cheese up" the restaurant.
  • This restaurant will, however, contain a mechanical shark ride.
  • Sister Hazel is playing the opening of the restaurant.
  • The restaurant is itself a pitch for a reality show.
  • That pitch, in Hogan's words: "It's Bay Watch, Muscle Beach and Cheers all in one."
  • The restaurant is in the old Crabby Bill's, just down the way from Whiskey Joe's.
  • Tampa?
  • TAMPAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
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