From Jack Handey:
"The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face"
But we've already heard from the kids. And these are GIFs, so there isn't any sound. There are faces, though! These are the best faces in the Baseball Nation cache of moving images from 2012:
8. Omar Vizquel dancing is not funny
It starts with a yawn, and the level of interest wanes from there. Omar Vizquel is doing something your dad would do in front of your friends when you weren't looking. And considering that Vizquel jokes are the new Moyer jokes, you can guess what the next joke was going to be.
But while Vizquel's face is kind of funny, Yuñel Escobar's face is what makes it. Dude really is a sociopath if he can't get enjoyment out of an old man doing the Robocop.
7. Bud Selig's mouth is open
Bud Selig's mouth is open.
He really is an awkward individual. I don't despise him like I did when I was younger. I kind of appreciate him now, actually.
I said, I kind of appreciate him now.
I SAID THAT I APPRECIATE HIM N … forget it. But if you're looking for a single reason why the NFL Draft is a three-day television extravaganza and the MLB Draft is an afterthought, well, this is a pretty good one. Nothing about it is especially watchable.
6. Say, has anyone noticed that Hunter Pence can make unusual faces?
Because I sure haven't. But while doing research for this post, it turns out that he can make unusual faces, alright.
The tongue flickering is kind of a common theme.
It's how he detects his prey, of course.
5. Ozzie Guillen goes mnnnyah
It's kind of a shame that Guillen isn't likely to manage again soon. I guess there could be a team that's crazy enough to risk it again, but he sure is entertaining, even if he's a total goofball. Remember when he got into it with Bryce Harper, and the teenager took the high road? That's about all you need to know about Ozzie Guillen. That, and that he can make a mean funny face when the urge strikes.
4. Zito's peek
This is my one of my personal favorites of the year. It's definitely top five, but you have to know the context. Right after making that face, Zito did this:
You never get to see the dawning realization on a ballplayer's face quite like that. The Fox cameras captured it perfectly.
3. Tommy Hunter appreciates a well-timed home run
Consider how long he had to be motionless for if the cameras didn't pick up him getting into that pose at all. Was the ball 250 feet from home plate when Hunter stuck the pose? Was it 275 away? However far it was, a normal person would have at least been a little worried that the ball was going to hit him in the face. I guess baseball players are a little more confident in their abilities to judge distance.
2. The calm, soothing face of Ryan Theriot
Think about what it would be like to score the winning run in the deciding game of the World Series. Close your eyes, put your feet up, and imagine crossing home plate with the run that you've been dreaming about since you were six, the run that validates a full seven months of baseball, the run that sets up a chain reaction that ends in confetti. What kind of face are you making?
That face. You're making that face. Also of note: Theriot can make all sorts of good faces.
1. srrrrnnnnxx ssrnnnnnnxxx WHA? WHO? WHA?
Pure terror. That's a man on a live radio broadcast waking up and realizing he's not sure what's going on. The topic was the Yankees or some such, and it wasn't very interesting.
It would be a funny GIF if Francesa were the sweetest man on the planet. But he's the personification of talk radio and kind of a goofball. For example, there's never a bad time to watch this:
Oh, man, that look into the camera before he drops his dollar-store word. It would have been uncomfortable to watch even if he actually got the definition right, but he totally and completely blew the definition of fungibility.
Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that Francesa is kind of a noodle, and he fell asleep with cameras rolling, only to wake up and think he was on the moon. It's a beautiful combination.
Thanks for making it through my post on face-related GIFs. Good night, everybody!
And thanks for coming.