The only college football game this weekend is Army-Navy. It's a historic rivalry, but if you don't have ties to either service academy, well ... a sane person can only watch so many option plays. If you can't choose a side, here's SB Nation's helpful list of noncommittal cheers.
- "Go America! Beat terrorism!"
- "Stop fighting! Work together to defend our freedoms!"
- "A land battle is inherently unfair to Navy!"
- "Whoever loses, you're still better than France!"
- "I'll take this over tickets to any National Title Game, I'll tell you that right ... " [trails off, looks into distance, sighs deeply]
- "Hey Army, nice capes! No seriously they're really nice. I kinda want a cape now."
- "Football was just like war already but now it's even more like war!"
- "Air Force was my safety academy."
- "ROLL TIDE!"
- "WAR DAMN WAR!"
- "Just think: with an ROTC scholarship, any one of these guys could have gone to a normal college."
- "Army? More like Leggy! THROW THE DANG BALL!"
- "Looks like Obama has taken the guns out of football now, too."
- "You know in 10 years, we'll be watching football drones."
- "Be careful, y'all! The government has invested hundreds of thousands of dollars in each of you to lead our small units in combat."
- "Thank you for your service! Hey! Hey! THANK YOU FOR YOUR -- HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU ASSHOLE!"
- "U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"
Bill Hanstock and Jon Bois contributed to this list.