Good day Football fans.
My name is Craig and I come from the beautiful city of Calgary Alberta, Canada which of course is a hotbed for Kansas City Chiefs Football fandom. As most of you know, the Chiefs are a QB away from being perennial Super bowl favourites, so I’ve constructed a little mock draft/offseason which will make not only the Chiefs favourites to win the Superbowl in 2013, but I’m thinking a dynasty for many MANY years to come.
First of all, I’d like to thank Scott Pioli for signing Stanford Routt which is the first step in which will be a multi-staged offseason. With Routt on the roster, this makes an easy decision to sign Dwayne Bowe to a large contract extension and use the Franchise Tag on Brandon Carr. I’d then trade Brandon Carr to the Detroit Lions for a 1st round draft pick. Book it.
The next step would be to win the Coin flip. This is pretty easy actually, a weighted coin can be found in most magic shops. Ok good, Chiefs draft 11th.
Ok sports fans, this is where Pioli has to work his magic. I don’t want a late round developmental QB. I don’t want a mid-round scrub from the Midwesteasternmountainwest conference. I want THE Quarterback prospect, Mr. Andrew Austen Luck….and this is how we are going to get him. First of all, it’s pretty certain than unless RGIII actually jumps out of the building at the Combine or his pro-day, it will take going up to #1 to get him: "BUT CRAIG, IT’S GONNA TAKE 12 CONSECTIVE FIRST ROUND DRAFT PICKS TO GET HIM" – Everyone.
Au Contraire, it’s not going to be cheap but here is what we are going to do.
Step 1 – Package our 1st round draft pick, 3rd round draft pick, Glenn Dorsey and Sabby Piscatelli to the Colts for their 1st and Jacob Lacey. Jacob Lacey will purely be used on the Practice field to build up the QB’s confidence by picking on the worst DB in the history of sports. Glenn Dorsey might be terrible in a 3-4 and by all intents and purposes a bigger draft bust than his useless plug of an ex-teammate in Tyson Jackson, but he was pretty dominant in a 4-3 back in his LSU days. This may not be an easy trade to convince whoever the hell is making the Colts football decisions, but earn that paycheck Pioli. Might have to throw in a late round pick next year, but whatever needs to happen.
Step 2 – Plant weed on Morris Claiborne. Worked will for Justin Houston last year, we got a 1st round talent in the 3rd round because of weed. He might be pissed at first, but I’m sure they’ll all laugh about it around the 3rd Superbowl parade.
Next up – The draft
1a. Andrew Luck – Not much needs to be said about Mr. Luck. He’s got it all, biggest draft prospect sure-fire-can’t-miss since Tim Tebow and even might have a bigger upside.
1b – Compensation from the Detroit Lions for Brandon Carr. With the 23rd pick overall, the Chiefs shore up the other hole in the roster at RT by taking Matt Kalil from USC. It’s probably a bit of a reach taking Kalil at 23 as he never even played in a stinking bowl game this year, but the kid has most of what the scouts are looking for in an NFL Tackle. Albeit a reach, Pioli has shown he’ll reach for a player as evidenced by every draft pick he’s ever made.
2nd round – Morris Claiborne. See what I did here? By planting weed on Mr. Claiborne, we got a Top 5 talent in the 2nd round. Pretty smart eh? I’m a little leery about taking an LSU Tiger this high as no LSU Tiger draft pick ever has ever done anything even remotely good in the NFL except for maybe Dwayne Bowe.
3rd round – No pick. Part of the compensation to the Colts.
4th round - Trent Richardson, Alabama. Now this is a bit of a shocker. Richardson who was thought to be a first round talent slipped down to the 4th round, mostly because all GM’s simply assumed he was already drafted and didn’t want to look foolish drafting a guy who was already picked. It’s embarrassing enough during a Fantasy Football draft, imagine it happening in real life? Anyways, Richardson would be a nice change of pace back for Jamaal Charles who is returning from ACL surgery. Pretty good value here in the 4th round.
5th round – Vontaze Burflict, ASU. Another huge drop but will not be eligible for playing in the 2012/2013 season as he was convicted of 3rd degree manslaughter for killing a trainer during the combine by shoving pilon up his ass. He’ll provide good depth behind Patrick Willis at ILB when he returns. Oh ya, we also traded our 6th round draft pick and Matt Cassel to the 49ers for Willis, probably should have mentioned that. My bad.
6th round – No pick. Compensation for Patrick Willis
7th round - Russel Wilson, UW. I don’t know if he’ll make it in the NFL but I always liked watching him play and I can think of a worse backup QB to Luck. Better than Ricky Stanzi or Tyler Palko or whoever the hell else is on the roster. Seriously, we had Tyler "I wear a womans hairband" Palko start 4 games last season and we were still only a blocked FG away from making the playoffs. Sheesh, and you rolled your eyes at the 2nd line of my post.
So Scotty, if you’re reading this? You’re welcome.