5. Kaleo Gambill is knocked out, and, uh
4. Chandler Parsons dunks on JaVale McGee
(Redirected from Sit 'n Spin)
3. Patrick Kane shatters (fake) puck
Philosophical dilemmas in ice hockey
Section: shattered puck
It is extremely rare for a puck to break during a regulation hockey game, and for a puck to shatter into several pieces is essentially unprecedented. However, multiple schools of thought have emerged regarding the actions that should be taken in such a contingency:
- The player is awarded an entire goal.
- The player is not awarded a goal.
- The player is awarded a fraction of the goal, by weight. To prepare for this contingency, every stat sheet, spreadsheet, broadcast graphic, and scoreboard will have to be adjusted or overhauled in order to allow for decimal places.
- The puck is not replaced. Rather, players must play with the puck fragments, the result being that there are effectively multiple "pucks" at play. Goals are awarded by metric weight of the puck fragment that is shot into the net.
- The player who broke the puck is ascends to the title of Grand Emperor of Hockey, and has absolute authority to alter the rule book, rink, and entire league as he sees fit.
- The player who broke the puck is stoned to death.
2. Drew Brees attempts drop-kick in Pro Bowl
Section:Criticism of the Pro Bowl
|This Wikipedia page may require cleanup, as it contains realtalk.|
Over the years, the Pro Bowl has been subject to widespread criticism on the grounds that it meaningless and not taken seriously by the players involved.
This criticism is leveled by people who have been institutionalized by the NFL, which is unbearably super-serious during literally every single other minute of the entire year. It never lightens up for one second, ever, with the exception of three silly hours in Hawaii.
All the players want to do is hang out and goof around, and maybe attempt a drop-kick, which football players basically never get to do, but all these insufferable dummies cannot internally process a spectacle that is incongruent with their image of the game: a smorgasbord of weird-ass moral perversions and rote adherence to sameness.
This dissonance causes these people to spazz the hell out over nothing. In this sense, the Pro Bowl is quite useful, as it allows you to easily determine who is, and isn't, a joyless fan-bot who you would never want to spend any time around because they spazz the Hell out over the very most not-important things.
- List of people who need to chill the Hell out for one second
- List of people who are just walkin' around all feelings-hurt, all the time, about every little damn thing
- List of people from Indianapolis
1. The most touchback touchback possible
Wait, you actually looked up this page? How bored are you? Okay, fine. A touchback is when the ball goes out of bounds in the end zone and they put it at the 20, etc., etc. OK, now seriously, leave. I'm using this page to host photos of my dog. Don't tell anyone. Just be cool.