NORTH REGION -- FINAL
(1) OVERCONFIDENT JEREMY SHOCKEY
(10) BRUCE BOWEN'S FLYING KICK
(1) Hey, buuuuuddy! I am OVERCONFIDENT JEREMY SHOCKEY.
Earlier this week I destroyed that punk-ass RG3'S LIFE IS RIDICULOUS, 286 to 241. We all know I'm going to win, so just vote for me and let's get it over with. Got mad keggers to keg at, bro.
(10) Oh, hello! I am BRUCE BOWEN'S FLYING KICK.
I'm officially the Cinderella of this tournament. I may be a lowly double-digit seed, but I managed to sneak into the Elite Eight by narrowly defeating THE YANKEES' INFIELD, 297 to 274.
I have plenty to offer. There's Bruce Bowen's flying kick, the kind of kick that pretty much only happens in Double Dragon. There's personal harm dealt to Wally Szczczczczczc28czcz98zerbiak. And, of course, there is the low-res, blotchy nature of the proceedings.
I am an ancient GIF that reminds us all of the sports Internet of old. Before there were sports blog. Before there were videos that didn't take two minutes to buffer. I know you were there, because indeed, I was with you the entire way, sitting in the signature fields of message boards. Return the favor, won't you?