Welcome, everyone, to our second Olympics installment of THIS WEEK IN GIFs. I'm really gonna miss this Olympiad when it's gone, and I can think of no better justification than the following eight animated GIFs.
Before we get going, here's a breakdown of this week's GIF lineup from myself and my fellow GIF enthusiasts, Matt Ufford and Dan Rubenstein. Weightlifters: if the video hurts your feelings, I am sorry and please do not beat me up:
NICOLAS BATUM HITS JUAN CARLOS NAVARRO IN THE DONG
(Via Andrew Sharp)
You know how the form in certain sports looks so weird that you know it has to be an ancient discipline? Like pressing the ball against your neck in shot put, or doing that little stutter-step thing before the long jump? That's what makes me suspect that Nicolas Batum is employing some ancient martial art of dick-punching. I mean, most of us would just close a fist and swing, but look at Batum's form. He creates a whip effect with his elbow, ensuring a greater amount of dong-torque. Nicolas Batum: a man from this time, but for another.
All right. As I said in the video, Matthias Steiner did not sustain serious injury here. That said,
(Via Spencer Hall)
(Via Ryan Hudson)
As Stephan Feck began his rotation, a thought occurred to him. "You know what I should do?" he said to himself. "I should stylize my name with an asterisk, like 'Stephen F*ck.' For when I sign autographs and stuff. That would be so neat. Really put an edge on my personal brand." And by the time he started paying attention to his dive again, he was in the water butt-first, and he realized that this was the photo he'd be autographing forever. "Ah, shet," he said.
SOME CHUCKLEHEAD THROWS A BOTTLE BEFORE THE 100m FINAL
(Via Brian Floyd)
This might be the most adorable disturbance of the peace I've ever seen. Look, the lil' fella has to stand on his tippy-toes to throw his bottle! And he has to peek over someone's shoulder to even see where it went! D'AWWWWW. I'm just gonna explode over here.
COOL LONG JUMP, BRO
(Via Bill Hanstock)
By the time Greg Rutherford's final jump rolled around, he already knew he'd clinched the gold medal, so he was free to totally mail it in. He should have just sat down and built a sand castle.
(Via Bill Hanstock)
I know everyone else thought this GIF was whimsical. I find it terrifying, because trampolines are death machines. Growing up, almost every kid I knew who had a trampoline sustained serious injury. Teeth knocked out (like, all four of the top front teeth). Broken legs. Concussions. Broken noses. Swear to Gosh. if I ever have a kid, I'll let that kid ride a skateboard, try BMX stunts, run out into the woods and shoot BB guns, all that stuff. But that kid will never, ever jump on a trampoline.
(Via Chris Mottram)
I will, however, encourage said child to play tennis, because it's a frustrating sport that begets obscenity. It's important to develop an arsenal of cusses early in life, I reckon. Sometimes, a series of face-smackings and a big ol' "f***" is all you really need.
(Via Mike Prada)
The Olympics tend to draw non-sports people out of the woodwork. Over the last couple weeks I've observed this in my friends. Normally, they would never go out of their way to watch a sporting event, but something draws them in. Maybe this is partially because it resets most of us to a zero point: they don't know much about what's going on, but neither do the Sports People around them, so they can finally appreciate it on the same level as everyone else.
And no matter what ropes them in, great, because it offers them a chance to observe a slice of a world I love. "How the Hell did LeBron do that?" they ask. "I don't know," I answer, "but I've seen him do things like this 100 times."