Were you concerned that the 2012 Jacksonville Jaguars season would be too much fun or too exciting? Well, you're in luck! Jags head coach Mike Mularkey has instituted a new initiative that will help ensure that no one has any fun when something goes well. Don't worry: It's all for a good cause.
According to Alfie Crow at SB Nation Tampa Bay, Mularkey has pledged to donate $250 to the Ronald McDonald House Charities for every time a Jaguars player scores a touchdown and hands the ball back to the referee without celebrating.
I'm glad that Mularkey is going on the record as hoping his players don't have a good time. I mean, it's neat that a charity is benefiting, but you can just as easily donate this money for each touchdown, rather than tack on the caveat that each touchdown must be followed by an appropriate show of humility.
Also, this is the Jaguars. I'm sure the Ronald McDonald House is smiling politely and going, "Aw, gee. Thanks!" But inside I'm betting they wish that, say, the Green Bay Packers were making this offer. Still, they stand to make hundreds of dollars for needy kids this year! Neat!
So best of luck to the Ronald McDonald House, which I guess exemplifies not celebrating something? I hope they "celebrate" the Jaguars' largesse by nodding politely and handing the money straight to the bank teller. Or maybe the nod would negate the deal. I'll have to check with Mike Mularkey.