Sports bobbleheads, as you well know, are a massive craze. Collectors drop millions of dollars on these wiggle-headed dolls each year and there is no shortage of people or things that end up getting the bobble treatment. Hell, even Kirk Herbstreit has a bobblehead.
Collectors are so starved for new product that all kinds of
dumb new features are being put into production. Bobble arms. Bobble bellies. Bobble legs. The sky seems to be the limit when it comes to the bobblehead medium. Here are some of the dolls we'd like to see in the future. We're pretty sure these are totally possible, or at least will be someday. Enjoy!
All of the bobblehead images in this post are the work of resident GIF genius Clay Wendler, who should be nominated for the Nobel GIF Prize. (That exists, right?) For lots more GIF goodness all the time, please follow SBNationGIF on Twitter.
Cassel first rose to Internet prominence via his total inability to complete the seemingly-simple task of "hat."
So for Matt Cassel's bobblehead, we'd immortalize his greatest achievement to date. Which isn't actually an "achievement," technically. But still! All press is good press, right?
Oh, Matt! You're so close!
In a similar vein, the Jay Cutler bobblehead would be a little more interactive. With the Jay Cutler bobblehead, you can knock off his lazily-resting-on-the-top-of-his-head helmet yourself! Pretend you're a real NFL referee!
The best part of this bobblehead? Underneath that helmet: pure, 100% dreamboat.
In perhaps the greatest irony ever, Adrian Beltre is the subject of a number of bobbleheads, yet his furor at anyone ever daring to touch his head is very well-documented. Seems interesting that he's okay with a product where people all over the world are manipulating his tiny replica head with their grubby hands all the live-long day.
So we're in favor of a new Beltre bobblehead. When you touch its head, his arm shoots out and whacks you in the nuts.
They have talking bobbleheads now, because of course they do. What better sports personality to give a talking bobblehead to than everyone's favorite firebrand Ozzie Guillen?
Uh, okay, maybe we shouldn't have given him a talking bobblehead. By the way, Guillen is depicted in his White Sox uniform because that's how we'll choose to remember him after he's fired this winter.
This one will probably be a huge seller, because everyone loves the ol' gunslinger. This brand-spanking-new Brett Favre bobblehead has not one, but TWO sun-activated features. When sunlight hits it, Favre begins to weep. Then his jersey changes color! It's a Favresday miracle!
Sure to be the most frustrating bobblehead of the year! When you lightly tap its head, the entire piece flops right over, accompanied by an over-the-top wail of agony.
So handsome! Bordering on too handsome, actually; the Mark Sanchez bobblehead is so good-looking that you can't look at it directly, for fear of your eyes melting right out of your head.
The other feature of this item is that it will throw a tiny football directly to any other bobblehead that is not wearing a Jets jersey.
Michael Jordan & Pete Rose
This special-edition limited dual bobblehead celebrates two of the greatest of all time, depicted in their shared natural environment: an air-conditioned casino. You don't need any clocks on the wall to tell that it's time to "double down" on this baby!
If ever there was a "bobble-leg" doll that needed to be made, well ... we'll just let the below mock-up speak for itself.
Look at it fly!
This mascot bobblehead -- the embodiment of all things Vancouver -- bursts into flame at the slightest perceived insult directed toward the team or the city. It even works if you insult orca whales! Give it a whirl!
Boy, that team just can't take a good ribbing, can they?
This likeness of the superstar running back holds out from bobbling until the very last instant. Wait for it ...
It's safe to say that any company willing to make any of the above items should probably shut up and take our money immediately.