MLS 2012, Midweek 24 Preview And Matches: Crazy Scheduling And Soft Pretzels

HARRISON, NJ - JUNE 24: A general view of the action between the New York Red Bulls and the D.C. United at Red Bull Arena on June 24, 2012 in Harrison, New Jersey. (Photo by Mike Stobe/Getty Images for New York Red Bulls)

MLS needs midweek matches to make up for their earlier midweek matches and balance out the schedule, which is okay because there are soft pretzels.

Midweek matches are a marvelous opportunity for those teams that have only played 23 matches to catch up to the others that have already played 28 matches. Of course, those teams have played so many more matches than other because of earlier midweek matches so if you were to play them at the same time there wouldn't be these discrepancies and everything would be easy.

But this is MLS. If we wanted easy we would follow another league. We follow MLS for the shenanigans. Well, that and the soft pretzels. The rest of the world is slow to catch onto soft pretzels. Those neanderthals.

D.C. United vs. New York Red Bulls

Wednesday, 8 p.m. ET, Galavision

Until the Red Bulls win a trophy, any trophy*, their rivals from crumbling RFK Stadium will continue to look down their noses at them. Nothing else that the Red Bulls do will ever be enough to change that, but beating them on Wednesday, pushing them closer towards missing the playoffs and watching as D.C. completes the biggest collapse in league history will give them something to make fun of United for. Oh, and that their stadium has rats. Ew.

* This is your friendly reminder that they have never won a trophy and are the least successful club in MLS history, which is not the least bit funny. That's a lie. It's hilarious.

Pick: Draw, 1-1.

New England Revolution vs. Chivas USA

Wednesday, 8 p.m ET, MLS Live


Pick: A Corona in the first half, two Sam Adams in the second half.

Philadelphia Union vs. Columbus Crew

Wednesday, 8 p.m. ET, MLS Live

Jairo Arrieta and Federico Higuain have made the Crew not just watchable, but -- dare I say it? -- fun. Is magic a performance-enhancing drug? It's pee-in-a-cup time, and we should check them for wands while we're at it. That is not part of the uniform.

Pick: Columbus, 3-2.

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