Perhaps you're familiar with Next Media Animation, AKA "those animated news things from Taiwan." (If you're not familiar with them, welcome to the Internet! Please stay away from YouTube comment threads and for the love of God, turn your SafeSearch filter on.) The geniuses at NMA have taken the time to lovingly craft a freakshow three-minute video depicting the current American League East battle between the Baltimore Orioles and New York Yankees. It opens with Alex Rodriguez being cut open like a barbecued sausage. Need I say more?
The video really runs the gamut, by which I mean "every joke a person who does not follow baseball has heard about the Yankees." They even deliver a note-for-note dig about CC Sabathia's weight that may as well have been written by Yakov Smirnoff.
Actually, what is Yakov up to these days, besides performing in Branson? If Yakov Smirnoff writes these NMA videos, that would ... that would really explain so much.
But anyway, apart from depicting the Yanks and Orioles as bloodthirsty pirates (because that's the only metaphor they could think of, I guess), the Yankees as geriatric nincompoops and Alex Rodriguez as a humorously-oversized-syringe-crazed steroid freak, the statement is made that the O's WILL win the American League East. They've even given us a look at what the celebration will look like!
That is probably pretty accurate, actually. Also, this is supposed to depict the upcoming Rays-Yankees series, I guess:
Weird how accurately NMA is able to predict the future. Will the Yankees have to forfeit this game for creating a pit in the right-handed batter's box? Or will the poor groundskeepers have to fill that in between batters? I don't know! It's never happened before! Well, that's baseball for you, I guess.
Here's a few more GIFs to get you through the night.
And above all else, let this serve as the definitive Mark Teixeira GIF:
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