Pro Tip: How To Demoralize Your Least-Favorite Player

Parody is the soul of fandom.

A helpful primer in the art of parodying a despised opponent.

Let's say your favorite team's biggest rival has a player who really gets under your skin. It's not so farfetched a concept, really. Some players are so maddeningly talented there is nothing for the rest of us to do but mock them. Now, for your benefit, we're going to show you how to create a hilarious "parody" baseball card of said rival player in just eight easy steps.

Step 1: Purchase an item like this one (found on a popular bidding website) and then "scan" it.


Step 2: Crop caption, which, while hilarious in itself, is more appropriate for a business milieu.


Step 3: Drop in background of player's home ballpark or spring-training facility for verisimilitude.


Step 4: Add baseball card-like border, then re-size to standard trading-card dimensions (3.5" x 2.5").


Step 5: Add player's home-team city to jersey for authenticity, and also because you probably hate that place, too, since you hate their team so much. (No need to concern yourself that this photo depicts home whites. Only a nerd would notice/complain about such things.)


Step 6: Add player's team name to card.


Step 7: Add player's name and position to card. (Note: If the player is not a catcher as depicted here, it will make him seem all the more foolish for holding a catcher's mitt. "Oh, look - I don't even know what the right glove is for the position I'm supposed to play." - Pure parody gold.)


Step 8: Add player's autograph for authenticity -- as though he himself actually signed it!


Step 9 (optional): Show to friends at social gatherings or post on a personal "web blog."

You may now take great satisfaction that you might be contributing to an erosion in the confidence of your least-favorite player. Know that being portrayed in such a fashion is just the sort of push this player needs down the long staircase to oblivion.

Good work!

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