In case you hadn't heard LeBron James is a minority owner in Liverpool FC, and as the new EPL year gets underway, the King has a message for his Liverpool club. "Everybody in sport needs incentive," he told a British tabloid**, "And if the guys at Liverpool win something this year I will give them the best weekend of their life in Vegas."
And there's more.
Kanye is in and trust me, nobody does Vegas like LeBron and Kanye. We will take them to places in Vegas 99 per cent of people don’t even know exist. There is Vegas and then there is Vegas. I am coming over to see a game soon with Kanye and Jay-Z so maybe we can talk more about the trip then.
1. LeBron's basically promising Liverpool induction into the Illuminati, right? Jay-Z and Kanye? "Places 99 percent of people don't even know exist"? Do the math, Sheeple.
2. We're all Liverpool fans now, if only for the sake of the celebration, destined to be infiltrated by all kinds of ruthless British tabloids, who'll give us a detailed account of Kanye in some champagne room lecturing Steven Gerrard about failed relationships and french linens. BALL SO HARD.
3. LeBron's not lying, you know. And this is as good an excuse as any to remember that ESPN article from two years ago where we all learned that LeBron James' Life Is A Hip Hop Video Mixed With Your Wildest Dreams.
Bottle after bottle of "Ace of Spades" champagne is delivered to the table by a waiter flying down from above the dance floor like some overgrown Peter Pan on a wire. One time he's dressed like a King, another time as Indiana Jones and another in a replica of James' No. 6 Miami Heat jersey.
Yeah, so, LET'S GO LIVERPOOL.
** UPDATE: The Liverpool communications director says those quotes are fake. WHO TO TRUST? For now, we'll to choose to believe the British Tabloids while we still can, because life's more fun when LeBron's talking about a secret version of Vegas known only to he and Kanye West.