TIM LINCECUM awoke in the morning as the GIF Tournament III Champion. 2 As had been prophesied, he had
defeated MATT ELAM in the first round, 891 votes to 275;
defeated TEXAS FAN in the Sweet 16 round, 841 votes to 474;
defeated SCREAMIN' MARINE in the Elite Eight round, 1,132 votes to 1,115;
defeated JADEVEON CLOWNEY in the Final Four round, 1,796 to 1,700;
and defeated LAKERSBRO in the championship round, 1,269 to 878.
3 TIM sat upon his dugout throne, which was built three cubits above the ground, and feasted upon a dinner of sunflower seeds. 4 And his teammate said to him, "O GIF Champion, your belly will not be full from these seeds. 5 They are not husked, and you are eating them in a way that is unclean." But TIM said, "I want not for nourishment. I need no food in my belly, for I am all-powerful. I am the GIF Champion."
6 And then the earth shook, and a voice poured forth from the heavens: "Who is this man who assumes sovereignty over the GIF domain?' TIM shouted, "It is I, TIM LINCECUM, the winner of GIF TOURNAMENT III."
7 The voice replied, "I will ask again: who has proclaimed himself the false lord of GIFs?" 8 Again TIM said, "I am the greatest and funniest animated sports GIF on Earth. I have conquered the SCREAMIN' MARINE and slain the LAKERSBRO. I am Lord."
9AND THEN THE HEAVENS SHOOK, AND THE RAPTOR MADE HIMSELF KNOWN.
10THE RAPTOR BELLOWED FORTH, "ALL WHO KNOW MY NAME SHALL TREMBLE. ALL WHO DO NOT SHALL PERISH." AND TIM COWERED.
10 "WE SHALL HOLD A VOTE OF GIF SACRIFICE. I WILL DEVOUR YOU, PIXEL UPON PIXEL. 11I DEMAND THAT ALL SHALL KNOW MY NAME AND KNOW ME AS THE GREATEST ANIMATED SPORTS GIF IN HEAVEN AND EARTH."