Fumblr: An appreciation of Jim Harbaugh's sideline meltdowns

Matthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports

Jim Harbaugh is a bitchy drama queen. I hope he never changes.

Fumblr is the fake blogging platform that examines the NFL through invented memes. It runs every Wednesday, unless the author has meetings all day Wednesday, in which case it runs Thursday.

HarbaughHissyFits.fumblr.com

Harbsmeltdown

(via KSK)

Harbaugh Hissy Fits made its debut in last week's Fumblr, and now that I've developed a taste for Jim Harbaugh losing my mind, I'm not quite sure how I'm going to make it through the offseason without him. There are three distinct phases of this GIF:

  1. The fall. The first -- and, in my opinion, best -- part of this GIF is a staple of children's cartoons: a character splatters into a window, sticks for a moment, then slides down the glass.
  2. Backwards kick plus expletive. Your eyes do not deceive you: yes, that is a grown man digging at the turf with his foot like a bull preparing its run at a matador.
  3. Angry turn plus headset flip. Note that the headset flip wouldn't be possible without it coming off off-camera between (1) and (2).

For four days now, I've just kept this GIF open in an extra Google Chrome tab. I'll do a little work, watch the GIF five times, chuckle, check in on Twitter, write an email, click back over to Harbaugh, over and over all day. And Jim Harbaugh is forever trapped in a loop where Harry Douglas's catch is ruled a catch, pissed off to high hell even though -- in retrospect -- he should be happy that Douglas inexplicably fell down instead of scoring a touchdown that would have cost the Niners the game. He is going to die of a heart attack or head-splosion within the next five years, and we'll be able to watch live. I can't wait.

harbros.fumblr.com

DID YOU KNOW: Ravens coach John Harbaugh and 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh are actually BROTHERS?!?!? It's true; I learned it while reading Jon Bois's 50 fast facts about the Super Bowl. Here are some Harbaugh-related that you can call the Super Bowl instead of "the Super Bowl."

  • The Super 'Baugh
  • The Bro Bowl
  • The Har-Bowl
  • The Super Bro-wl
  • Hagar the Harbaugh'll
  • Super Hario Brothers
  • Jimmy/John's #47 Gourmet Deluxe

(NOTE: do not use any of those names.)

skoalebrity.fumblr.com

Cowher-skoal

(via 30FPS)

It's a small thing, Bill Cowher leaving his tin of Skoal on the desk during CBS's playoff coverage. Most viewers, I'm sure, never noticed it. BUT THE INTERNET SEES ALL.

I have no problem accepting that Cowher dips (though in my experience, the discriminating dipper prefers Copenhagen). Cowher has redneck bona fides: he was born and raised outside Pittsburgh, and he went to college at N.C. State, the heart of tobacco country. Most men are forced to give up the habit when they live with a woman, because the fairer sex is more likely to have a problem with Gatorade bottles of tobacco spit-juice stinking up the house (also: many women are not aroused by flakes of tobacco in your teeth). It's a habit for frat boys, NASCAR fans, and outdoor laborers.

And that's why I love Cowher flashing his tin: here, on TV, is a millionaire in a suit dipping Skoal. You just keep doing you, Bill.

poortombrady.fumblr.com

Tommyloss

(via KSK)

2013-january-20-21-22-32

(via 30FPS)

Lolofthering

(via SB Nation)

(by LSUfreek for SB Nation)

Poor Tom Brady. His life is pretty bad.

suckit.fumblr.com

Decoudchop

(via KSK)

Merton Hanks's loose-limbed celebration + the Shawn Michaels/Triple H crotch chop = Thomas DeCoud, modern NFL hero. This GIF is the best and maybe only reason I'm sad Atlanta won't be in the Super Bowl. Tony Gonzalez? Eh, all he ever did was dunk on crossbars.

shutupraylewis.fumblr.com

1853_1358737886

(via 961kiss)

Ray Lewis is awful. The fake-ass crying to the National Anthem. The incessant yapping on NFL's Sound FX (note the complete lack of him actually making a play in the video). This guy's haircut. The whole "witnessed his friends murder to people, then lied to the cops about it, then ratted on his friends, who weren't convicted" thing that the mainstream media refuses to mention even as a footnote to his career.

And the worst part is this: the end of his playing career means that I'll actually have to see and listen to MORE of him. UGH. It's almost enough to make me wish the NFL season was over.

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