At the end of the night on Thursday, either the Oregon Ducks or the Kansas St. Wildcats will have won all of the Tostitos. All of them. The rest of us will be forced to straggle through our days and nights, dreaming blearily of when there used to be those sweet, sweet 'Steets, but no more. No more. Never again will our mouths be so parched with salt-flavored salt scoops that we will need to drink five gallons of water. It will be dark days indeed.
But there is hope! Erin Sorensen of hailvarsity.com has alerted us to an enterprising individual in the Phoenix area who has posted a CraigsList ad for a bag of Tostitos -- perhaps the last unclaimed bag of 'Stitos in existence?
Here is how the ad appears, in its entirety:
Rare: Bag of Tostitos - $1 (Glendale)
With tonight's winner of the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl winning all of the Tostitos, I'm willing to sell my last bag to whoever wants/needs it most. Asking price $18million, or best offer.
Please, serious inquiries only.
God bless you, you anonymous and noble patriot. You have given us hope on this day. The hope of a world where honest men and women may yet enjoy 'Stos without having to beg ungrateful college athletes for some spare crumbs. You are an inspiration to us all.