We're back! Christmas and New Years are over which means we're winding down the football seasons. The Super Bowl is a little under a month away, and tonight is college football's big night. For weeks, we've all been waiting for the BCS National Championship between Alabama and Notre Dame. The day is finally here and I've got a gameday appetizer for you: nachos! I've been saving nachos for a while, waiting for the perfect game, and that time is today. Each component of today's dish will represent each team - the chips for Alabama and the cheese for Notre Dame. Let's begin with the sauce.
STEP 1: The sauce will start with two old favorites of this column: Cheesoning and Easy Cheese. Dump the entire contents of each into a saucepan and move on.
STEP 2: For Notre Dame, the first themed ingredient will be potatoes. In this case, we'll use Potatoes O'Brien. That name sounds Irish because it has an "O", so it probably is. Pour in half of the bag.
STEP 3: Next, find an unused packet of Macaroni and Cheese sauce under some ramen packets in the cupboard. I keep one available if I ever get a hankerin' for cheese frosting. Today, though, we'll need it to thicken this sauce.
STEP 4: That looks delicious, doesn't it? It's kind of plain though. Definitely plain. You could probably buy this at Dennys. I mean, no one will even know it's Irish themed...unless...
SPILLY SHAMROCK SHAKE
STEP 5: Shamrock Shakes are the perfect loosely based Irish stereotype beverage out there. The problem is, you can only get them in March, until now. I've deduced the ingredients myself! Mix together a McDonalds Vanilla shake, some green food coloring, and an entire pack of mint Tic Tacs into a bowl.
STEP 6: Pour the Shamrock Shake into the cheese sauce. Heat and bring to a boil, and then set aside to let thicken.
STEP 7: Notre Dame, there's your cheese sauce. Now, we'll need to move on to Alabama. I asked people on Twitter what to make for the Crimson Tide. You all had some good ideas, but most of them involved me running my car into woodland vermin and tossing them straight into the blender, and I didn't have time for that. To approximate this, I've gone for the next best thing:
FOODTIP: The McRib is only available when consumer depression and self-worth levels are low enough to accept chopped pig taints.
STEP 8: Place this ‘meat' into the blender. Warning: This may actually improve it.
STEP 9: After it's combined, place it into a mixing bowl. Please note: Pickles are impossible to blend, They will keep slipping and bouncing off of the cutting blades. You may wish to add relish if you desire that freshly blended pickle taste.
STEP 10: Our last Alabama ingredient here is obvious: Grits. Normally you'd want to cook the grits, but we're going to add them dry for now. You'll see how they get cooked later.
STEP 11: Knead the McRib and Grits into a dough ball and flatten on wax paper with a grit coating on it to soak up any extra pork-ass sauce.
STEP 12: Slice into triangles with a pizza wheel and begin to fry each side in a pan of oil.
STEP 13: Make sure to flip them to seal in that delicious Alabama flavor. They may also become brittle, so be careful when transferring them from the oil to a plate. When they're done, they should look like this:
STEP 14: Delicious homemade nacho chips! Now, the moment you've all been waiting for. Drizzle the cheese sauce on top of the nacho chips. As usual, decorate with Tangballs. There's also a cherry there from the shake. Forgot about that. Oh well.
That's it, folks. With this pregame meal, your BCS Championship party will be remembered forever. Feel free to share and pass on to friends!