It's a dangerous world out there. At every turn, there is something just waiting for you to put it inside your body so that it can undo you over the long haul. We are warned of these dangers every day of our lives, yet many of us pay little heed.
It used to be even worse! Not only were the full consequences of these indulgences not well-understood in the old days, but the very activities were recommended by your favorite ballplayers! Oh, the things they wanted you to put inside yourself ... and all because someone paid them to suggest it. Here is but a small representative sampling:
Yogi Berra wanted you to drink sugary choco-water.
Hank Aaron wanted you to smoke filter-less Camels for their flavor and mildness.
Johnny Bench wanted to be your Sugar Daddy.
Curt Flood wanted you to flood your liver with Scotch.
Spec Shea thought beer was the way to go.
Leo Durocher pitched both beer and butts.
Reggie Jackson wanted a candy bar with his name on it and he thought you should ingest it.
Johnny Mize wanted you to put tobacco in your pipe and in your cheek, perhaps at the same time.
Ted Williams and Stan Musial, the best hitters in their respective leagues, wanted you to hit on these smokes.
Liquor might be quicker, but wine was fine with Ty Cobb.
The Dean brothers, Paul and Dizzy, thought you should roll your own.
Christy Mathewson thought this acidic, sugary soft drink was just what the doctor ordered.
Jackie Robinson liked that white bread was homogenized.
Frankie Frisch wanted you to graduate to ale.
Bob Feller liked frozen sugar water on a stick and thought you might, too.
And Willie Mays wanted you to pour some sugar on it.
Aren't you glad you live in an enlightened era, when we may gaze smugly on the transgressions of the past? Fortunately, because we moderns are all so decidedly correct, People of the Future will be unable to look backward in time and judge us similarly.
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