Boise State coach Chris Petersen is out of the running for the USC job, a job he was never in the running for because he is Chris Petersen and will be staying at Boise until the end of his career. This happens every year: without fail, someone decides to call Chris Petersen to see if he would even think about leaving Boise, and he has to politely decline.
It has to get old. However, we are here to help. We have written an updated form letter Petersen can use for just this purpose.
Simply fill out the blanks as needed, Coach Petersen, and get along with the business of being America's least mobile famous football coach.
(Illustration by @CelebrityHotTub)