To the left is Chad Campbell, seen laughing at what might be the worst televised putt in the history of golf. (This is my second-favorite "laughing at misfortune" sports GIF; my favorite is this one.) While positioning for the putt, Dufner accidentally hits the ball with the side of his club. For it to be any worse, he would have had to-- OK, list time.
PUTTS THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE WORSE THAN JASON DUFNER'S PUTT
1. Turning around and putting the ball in the opposite direction of the hole
2. Swinging the club over his head like he's chopping wood and smacking the ball into the green
3. Placing his hands in his pockets, lying on the green, holding the club in his teeth, wriggling his person over to the ball, and making contact with the ball with a tortured swing of the neck
4. Getting the putter stuck inside the bag, dropping the bag on the ball
5. Same as No. 4, but in addition, getting the bag stuck inside his golf cart; driving his cart to the green at full velocity, swerving right, and rolling the cart such that the bag makes some manner of contact with the ball
6. Balancing the club sideways on his shoulder and sprinting past the ball, such that the club falls off and lands on it
Back in the day, we documented the doings of human beings through hieroglyphs, paintings, wood engravings, and those never documented our moments of simple, embarrassing slapstick failures. It was always a guy riding a horse or proudly brandishing his nation's flag or something. Only after the advent of video recording, and specifically slow-motion playback, could we really dwell upon the little tiny moments that reveal us not as proud, dignified heroes, but as dumb animals with the internal monologue of a slug: "Oh no. Salt. Oh no. Salt. Oh no. Salt."
And that is how we arrive at Brandon Fields, who, upon receiving a snapped football to the face, reacts by raising his palms and trying to receive a snap that he will not receive, because it already hit him in the face. It's like he's cradling his brand-new invisible failure baby.
I so wish that the ball stuck in his face mask and he just got up and tried to run with it. Someday.
Whenever I show up to THIS WEEK IN GIFs with a GIF of a soccer player putting ridiculous English on a ball, I'm always, always met with a scoff from some soccer fan who tells me it's not all that special. But this one, right? This is total clownshoes, right?
I'll take a break from being a Despondent Dennis to show you this unreal catch-and-score from Alshon Jeffery. It's been fun to see Josh McCown, who previously had a career passer rating of 71.2, jump off the bench at age 34 and play 109.8 football this season. Dude is taking advantage of his weapons, and dude has weapons. Matt Forte establishes the run as perhaps the most consistent running back in the NFL, and he's also one of the more prolific receiving backs in the game.
But most crucially, there are Brandon Marshall and Alshon Jeffery. It's so rare to have two top-flight receivers, in their primes, on the same team, but when it happens, it's so goddang scary. They're both on pace for over 1,350 receiving yards this season, something no teammates have done since Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin in 2005. I have no idea how an opposing defense can effectively cover both dudes at the same time.
The star of this GIF isn't even in it. This was the situation: the Knicks had the ball and a two-point lead over the Bucks with 38.7 seconds left in the game. So they milked the shot clock, and Carmelo Anthony put up a brick just before it expired. The Knicks pulled down the rebound and passed it out to Bargnani, who was then free to secure the ball and wait for the intentional foul.
Bargnani did not do that! Instead, he immediately chucked up a three, which missed, which wasn't surprising, because Bargnani is not a very effective three-point shooter. This opened the door for the Bucks to tie the game (which the Knicks eventually had to win in double-overtime).
This GIF is the resultant despair after Bargnani's completely bewildering decision. My favorite is the fella on the far left, who looks like he's straight-up gonna just bite his knuckles off.
oh no, the water has somehow frozen