The List: Rob Gronkowski's 'romantic' Valentine's Day ideas

What does Gronk have planned for Valentine's Day? Well ... maybe you shouldn't have asked.

- Take shirt off

- Spell her name using meats

- A trail of rosin bags leading to the bedroom, where the bed has been removed in lieu of a pile of dirt

- Go for a couple's Brazilian

- Really compliment that scene she did with Lexington Steele

-- Defeat a horse in unarmed combat (to establish dominance)

- Take shirt off

- Two champagne glasses and a bottle of Jäger with a red bow on it

- Shotgun a box of Franzia

- Buy her extra-expensive bottle of body glitter

- This awesome nightshirt

- Thoughtfully offer to jump and touch the ceiling from right where you're standing, without getting a running start or anything

- [flexes]

- Bottle service at Pinkberry

- Let her watch you play Tony Hawk for four hours

- Buy a box set of Jason Statham movies and a liter of vodka

- Take shirt off

- Two words: Bud Black.

- Do it on the nice couch -- the one the dogs aren't allowed on

- Take her to Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, sneak single, pantleg-warmed double-deuce of Keystone into theater, finish it by end of Fast & Furious 6 trailer

- Make her a mixtape with "I Gotta Feeling" and "Boom Boom Pow" alternating for 20 songs

- Let her see you cry when Ben Affleck leaves Bruce Willis on the doomed asteroid in Armageddon.

- Send picture of yourself naked in the mirror, turn off phone for 72 hours

- Leave uncashed checks written to fake charities like "SICK KIDS" and "GOD" sitting on your table

- Draw pictures of you and her doin' it on binder paper, leave it under one of her windshield wipers

- Offer to give her a sexy massage. Have Vince Wilfork rub her back while you watch Underworld on DVD

- DON'T FART

(Spencer Hall, Andrew Sharp and Jon Bois collaborated on today's installment of The List.)