The List: Trades we'd like to see


It's the trade deadline! This probably isn't what you're looking for, though.

(Today's List was written by Bill Hanstock, Martin Rickman, Robert Wheel and Spencer Hall.)

Seems like everyone is talking about trades. But they're not talking about IMPORTANT, life-changing trades. We're here to fix that:

- This bologna sandwich for a PB&J

- 2 Broke Girls for reruns of Taxi

- Living in Cleveland for living in Sochi

- A complete collection of Zoobooks for a complete collection of Desert Storm Trading cards (disclaimer: the Stormin' Norman one has a bent corner)

- Frank Caliendo for a hammer to smash my own face in

- A Razor scooter for an original Razr phone to be named later

- Darren Rovell actual tweets for Peter Gammons pocket tweets

- Craigslist special: big screen tv (very heavy, no remote) for refrigerator (not working)

- Tickets to the touring production of "Jeckyll & Hyde" for literally anything else. Seriously, make an offer.

- One gently used Batman Forever OST (no case) for Luke Walton

- 1991 Ford Escort, Blue, 250,315 miles, A/C, manual windows, hatchback, new tires 4 Zagat Dining Guide 2003

- Six horses for baby tiger no questions asked not a cop

- 4,000 Shamwows for a ride to the airport (do not require pick-up)

- Rick Derringer for Rick Springfield

- 2004 for 1992, straight up

- Father's Day tie for 15 minutes of silence

- "Roaring Fire" DVD for a fire you tried to build yourself in the backyard

- Bowling for soup

- Irrational Twinkies love for actual Ding-Dongs deliciousness

- Bobby Bonilla for $1 million dollars* (*per year until the end of time)

- These 100 dollars now for 300 later <---I AM YOUR MORTGAGE

- Clos Du Bois for Blanche DuBois for Bell Biv Devoe (3 way deal)

- Dwight Howard for a sack of ferrets

- "The Gift of the Magi" for a poignant lesson about selflessness

- Thailand for Canada. Straight up.

- John Cena for the Macho Man

- Pink Floyd for Foreigner

- Park Place and Marvin Gardens for that pistol you're holding to my chest

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