The 13 most vomit-inducing quotes from this glowing profile of Coach K and Tom Izzo

Chris Trotman

Oh Goddamnit. Seriously?

Since Michigan State plays Duke in the NCAA Tournament on Friday night, would you be interested in a 2,000 word profile of Coach K and Tom Izzo's winning friendship?

Winning in life, not just on the basketball court.

These men are more than just basketball coaches, these men are Leaders.

They coach People, not players.They do it The Right Way. And at a time when it seems like the whole world's losing its moral compass, leave it to a couple of basketball coaches to give us a playbook to get back on track.

Would you believe they're old friends?

Well, believe it!

You can read the entire article here.

And here are lines that made us especially nauseous and/or homicidal.

1. On the Mike & Tom Show, the NCAA Tournament success grows on trees, without the taint of major scandal.

2. Mike likes Tom. "There's nothing about Tom that I don't think is good," he said.

3. Tom likes Mike. "I think he has been a model for a lot of people to follow."

4. "I look at where [Coach K] came from," Tom said. "I look at his parents in Chicago and just the way he grew up, and it reminds me a lot of the same things I did. So I guess when you've been raised right, you have a little more loyalty.

5. "We've taken ownerships in our universities. We're not just employees."

6. "Longevity of excellence," Rick Pitino called it Thursday. "They're standard bearers in what our coaching profession is all about."

7. Coach K: "We we both brought up a certain way, where we understand the game is bigger than anybody."

8. Know who seems to like Mike even more? Tom's son.

[/cue story of Izzo giving his 12 year-old son permission to pick Duke in his bracket]

Mike said that was a great story, and was impressed that Tom would tell it.

9. Mike looks at Michigan State and sees something of Duke. "I think he coaches every game like it's his first. I try to do the same thing."

10. Tom looks at Duke and sees something of Michigan State. "You don't beat Duke, unless you beat Duke. They're not going to beat themselves. It's the first thing I said to my team. 'You'd better saddle up because there will be nothing given.'"

11. The common cliché for Friday is a chess match.

12. "One thing that's similar about me and Tom, I don't think we can play chess," Mike said.

13. True, the players will have to win it. Like they have so many times for Mike, and Tom.

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Andrew Synowiez-USA TODAY Sports

OH MY GOD ... Just know that when I assault a random pedestrian on the street later today, it all started with the Mike & Tom show.

This is the one piece of college sports that's nearly as unbearable as the NCAA. Because, let's be real, big time college coaches are some of the sleaziest people on earth.

The sort of people who will spend hours talking about themselves and their success and then sit there with a straight face and tell you it's all about the players.

The sort of people who, when you add it all up, have probably spent a cumulative decade trying to manipulate 16 year-old high school kids. The sort of people people who have players accused of sexual assault and mysteriously never get in trouble, or will look players in the eye during a timeout and say, "You f***ing make me f***ing sick." The sort of people who absolutely believe their own hype, and ask you to believe it too when they sign up to hawk Dove soap or American Express cards or charge $100,000 for speaking engagements.

Mike Krzyzewski and Tom Izzo aren't horrible people, they're just sleazy. It's generally part of the job, and success stories are the college coaches who convince people it's not, and then spend the next few decades imparting their wisdom on the rest of us.

"They're standard bearers in what our coaching profession is all about," said Rick Pitino.

So, so true. SO TRUE.

SADDLE UP, IT'S NOT A CHESS MATCH.

YOU DON'T BEAT DUKE WITHOUT BEATING DUKE.

IMPRESSIVE STORY, TOM. THE GAME IS BIGGER THAN ANYBODY.

THANKS, MIKE. COACH EVERY GAME LIKE IT'S YOUR FIRST.

Now excuse me while I vomit uncontrollably for the next 45 minutes.

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