They Just Don’t Make Them Like Paul O’Neill Anymore, Do They? (Daily): Regis asks various audience members this question and laments after each affirmative answer. (will have to prep audience on who Paul O’Neill is)
Donald Trump’s Golf Courses, the Best Ever or the Most Beautiful Ever? (Weekly): Regis mentions that he’s good friends with Donald Trump and that he plays golf. This helps connect him with youths, who can’t get enough of all things Celebrity Apprentice.
Twittering (Daily): Regis's opening monologue standby. We try to get him to read tweets, he makes jokes that will almost assuredly begin with him saying, "In my day, twittering somebody meant […]." This equally keeps Regis relevant with the older demos who can’t get enough, "In my day, twittering somebody meant […]" jokes.
5-7 Minute RegisNap (Daily): Regis has it written into his contract that he’s allowed to fall asleep on air. We fought him on it, but it was a dealbreaker. The demand also states that Neil Sedaka be the one to gently wake him. Most of our budget is now tied to having Sedaka just off stage every day.
I Tell You, There’s Nothing Like Notre Dame (Multi-Daily): Regis talks about Rocket Ismail and how his name is Rocket. And then he yells about how his name is actually Rocket. And that he was fast as all get out. And how those were the days. Expect a healthy number of foliage tangents.
Reej on the Street (Monthly): Regis goes out into New York to talk to everyday sports fans. His agent insisted that his interviews be done while he sits in a Lincoln Towncar. Note: We need to look into a longer microphone that’ll reach the middle of most sidewalks.
I Used to Host Millionaire, You Know (Daily): Regis talks about his favorite sports questions he asked on the popular ABC game show, "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" He’ll generally mention that it was, "quite the hit program, if you remember."
Issues Regarding His Grandchildren Playing Sports (Weekly): Regis reflects on the week that was with the little league baseball or pee wee football games of his grandchildren. Most of this will center on a distrust of children who appear to be too big or too fast to in a specific grandchild’s league. He’ll openly wonder where "these kids are coming from."
Am I the Only One that Still Reads Real Paper Newspapers? (Daily): Regis’s daily news rundown. Will typically involve pastry and/or pill tangents. Important to have Sedaka on high alert here.