Monday morning, we received some PR junk mail from some hot dog entity I'm not going to namecheck. It is
perhaps the emptiest thing we've ever read a wonderful resource for facts, factoids, knowledge about hot dogs, information, information about hot dogs, and plenty of stuff about hot dogs, and facts about hot dogs.
I decided to hold an interview with this email to answer 10 questions we've always wondered about the hot dog, the busiest shopping day of the year:
1. i live on the isle of guam in the year 400,000 BC and have spent all my life living inside of an enormous cave with a bucket on my head, i do not know anything, please tell things at me
It’s opening day, and as Major League Baseball teams kick off their season, fans are flocking back to ballparks across the nation. No game is complete without a trip to the concession stand, and if there’s one ballpark treat baseball fans continue to relish, it’s hot dogs.
2. hey make a hotdorg condiment pun -- oh cool you did
3. hey could you please cite an estimate of a figure in the tens of millions and refuse to round it off to the nearest 10 or 100 because this f***in really matters a lot
The National Hot Dog & Sausage Council estimates that baseball fans will consume 20,421,361 hot dogs over the course of the 2013 season.
4. what is an interesting fact about hotdorgs
“Fans have always enjoyed coming to the game and having a hot dog,”
5. that is a cool fact and observation regarding hotdorgs, who said that
said National Hot Dog and Sausage Council President and “Queen of Wien” Janet Riley.
6. are you shitting me
“Queen of Wien”
7. hey say something about Dodger Dorgs because i definitely haven't heard like 100 million dummies be like "oh it's the best hotdorg you don't understand" even though i'm 100 percent positive it's like every other hotdorg that has ever been made
In terms of hot dog consumption, the Los Angeles Dodgers knock the competition out of the park. The Dodgers will sell an estimated 2,475,000 hot dogs
8. hey give me some more stats about hotdorgs. i need to know this because i'm a major hotdorg manufacturer. so #blessed to get this email from you #serendipity #blessed
When it comes to sausage, the Milwaukee Brewers, home of the Klement’s sausage race at every home game, are still the only team projected to sell more sausages than hot dogs. However, The Red Sox have claimed the title of sausage kings from the Brewers with an estimated 421,200 sausages. The Red Sox are followed by the Mets with 405,000, and the Giants, Nationals, Tigers and Brewers tied with 400,000. Overall, fans are expected to consume more than 6,133, 722 sausages this season.
9. is it possible to add other ingredients to hot dogs? i am afraid that if i attempt to add mustard to a hotdorg, a black hole will open up and swallow me into a void and i'll end up in this world that looks like the cover of Lawnmower Man
“The perfect hot dog is a classic baseball tradition,” says [hotdorg guy] Burns. “From a simple squirt of mustard, to chili, cheeses, salsa, and so much more, the hot dog is ultimately customizable, which is why it appeals to a wide range of fans.”
10. hey could you namecheck Canada's national anthem and somehow f*** up the name please
The Toronto Blue Jays’ foot long hot dog is fit for a lumberjack and topped with maple baked beans, crumbled Canadian back bacon, and Canadian cheddar will have patrons saying “Oh Canada!”
stuff what that we have learned about, figured out, heard, & learned from this email
- the average american will eat over 1 hotdorg every year
- you never know what's new in the world of hotdorgs
- you never know when the next hotdorg is going to be manufactured
- baseball & hotdorgs: a 1-2 punch that is bound to bring you into a land & world of delight
- over 1000 hotdorgs a day
- lots of folks get jazzed up about hotdorgs & write lovely emails about them
- eat a hotdorg today
- be on the lookout for factoids & trivia about hotdorgs
- dont be a grade-a wiener, cook yr hotdorg to desired doneness for a truly space age treat
- hotdorgs are truly a #1 baseball treat
- what is the world's LARGEST hotdorg! well nobody knows