I'm fully convinced that you could create a dating match service based around peoples' choices for NBA Sixth Man of the Year in 2012-13. eHarmony has its 2,000 questions; we have just one. And who you choose says so much about you.
Jamal Crawford: I'm pretty conservative, despite my love for a nasty crossover. I don't like to stick out from a crowd or be seen as someone with weird ideas. I value the status of the person making an argument more than the argument itself. I prefer oatmeal.
J.R. Smith: I will look for any reason to make a statement. This is usually in the form of a tattoo, hair dye or a piercing. I smoke. Not cigarettes. I visit art museums and detest hipsters. I went as Lizbeth Salander for Halloween.
Amir Johnson: I am brilliant. No really, just ask me. I'll let you know. I finish the Sunday crossword on Saturday. I can produce a list my top 50 Dr. Who episodes without even looking at Wikipedia. The correlation coefficient between my top 100 movie list and Metacritic scores is 0.96. I am excellent.
Andray Blatche: I was brilliant once. But I don't want to talk about it. Was it you that borrowed my Dr. Seuss anthology? Dammit, where is it?
Nate Robinson: I haven't shaved in three weeks and I've eaten cereal for dinner five-straight days. Want to go out?
Ryan Anderson: I have a wooden halfpipe in my mom's backyard, which I use at least three times per week. I'm 45. Want to go snowboarding?
JaVale McGee: I have an invisible friend. His name is Giorgio. Or maybe Georgio, I've never asked about the spelling. He is a fashionable dresser and will be voting for Amir Johnson for Sixth Man. Say, have you seen J.R. Smith Voter around? Need to, uh, buy something.
Kevin Martin: Wings is a better band that the Beatles. Oh, hold on, my Slate editor is calling.
Derrick Favors: This band is so good. Oh, you haven't heard of them. They haven't recorded anything yet. Just trust me: this band is so good. Yeah, I know the bassist.
Jeff Green: Let's go see Olympus Has Fallen again, that is the BEST MOVIE EVER! And afterward we can get fondue at that new place by the theater, they have THE GREATEST CHEESE I HAVE EVER TASTED. Oh my God, look at that suit that guy is wearing. BEST LOOKING SUIT I HAVE EVER SEEN.
Brandan Wright: Hi, I'm Mark. Oh shoot, I forgot to lock my car, one second. ::beeps Benz six times:: There we go.
Andre Drummond: Yeah, we can go to the movies, but I want to leave after the trailers. Those are the only part I care about.
Jarrett Jack: We can't go out unless you like Stand By Me.
Carl Landry: I pour Muscle Milk over my cereal.
Marcus Thornton: You can probably already tell, but I hate being told what to do and as a result never take anything seriously.
Enes Kanter: ::winks:: Hello, beautiful.
Gordon Hayward: Um, yeah, I guess we can go out, but I need to be home at 8:45 because my guild has a raid at 9. Yeah, it's just ... I already made that commitment, you know? Hey, have you ever played WoW? I could build you a character, if you want.