Well, it's been a long two weeks since our last edition of the Week in Worst. And naturally, when I take a week off, the NBA doubles down on being really bad at basketball. So I've dragged the waters to bring you the most horrifically bloated of basketball corpses (in GIF form) for us to laugh at together. Sit back, relax and enjoy the freak show.
First up, we're going to take a video look at probably my favorite terrible play of the past two weeks. If you know anything about me, you know how much I enjoyed this Zach Randolph moment as it happened. And even several days later.
Glorious. Simply glorious. Without further ado, here are the very worst NBA plays for the weeks of April 1-15.
Worst Wrestler Impression
Player: Zach Randolph
Date: April 13
I talked about this in the above video and you should watch that because it never, ever gets old.
Worst Aspiring Dodgeball Player
Player: Beno Udrih
Date: April 13
Some people strive their entire lives to make it to the NBA. When they get there, they're living their dream. Not old Beno Udrih, here. Turns out his excellence at basketball has just been keeping him away from his true dream all along: being a participant in an adult dodgeball league. Sometimes those urges just break through at inopportune times in his day job. As we see here, he'd be a heck of a dodgeballer (dodgeballist?). Alas, this is neither the time nor the place.
Player: Nate Robinson
Date: April 9
Everyone who dreams of being in the NBA dreams of being a big-time hero in a big-time game. I'm not sure that Raptors vs. Bulls in the last week of the 2012-13 season necessarily applies, but a potential game-tying buzzer-beater is still a game-tying buzzer-beater, and that's exciting!
What isn't exciting is what Nate Robinson did here. A whole lot of attempts at being a hero and a whooooooole lot of failing going on. Just whiff after whiff in one action-packed Yakety Sax-level GIF. Flew too close to the sun, Nate.
Worst Attempt at Not Being JaVale McGee
Player: JaVale McGee
Date: April 3
Some of us just can't slip the surly bonds of Earth, man. Better luck next time.
Worst One-Man Wrecking Crew
Player: Reggie Evans
Date: April 5
Similar to Nate Robinson's ill-fated attempts at heroism, Reggie Evans had plans of laying waste to the Cavs here. Just so many plans. Designs, even. He could see the play clearly, like having an out-of-body experience. He figured he'd jam it home, then when that didn't happen he's like AWRIGHT GRABBIN REBOUNDS THROWIN BOWS TAKE ME DOWN TO SLAMMA JAMMA CITY and then all of a sudden he's just a big goofball running back down the court the other way.
This is sort of an analogy for life, I guess.
Worst Mush Pot
Player: Chris Kaman
Date: April 4
THIS IS NEITHER THE TIME NOR PLACE FOR DUCK DUCK GOOSE CHRIS KAMAN WE ARE NOT IN NURSERY SCHOOL GROW UP
Worst Frisbee Trick Shot Bro
Player: Kirk Hinrich
Date: April 4
Kirk Hinrich has everything it takes to be one of those viral trick-shot Frisbee dudes you see in every frigging corner of YouTube. Everything except for a Frisbee, I guess. Maybe if he lasts a few more years in the league, he can finally afford to spring for one. They've gotta be like six, seven million bucks, right? You can't just get a Frisbee anywhere.
Oh, you can? Well what in the heck then Kirk Hinrich.
Worst Audition for Harvey
Player: Shane Battier
Date: April 2
Yo Shane, Spike Lee is not an eligible member of your team. What in the heck.
Oh, I see. Mr. Battier was playing the old "invisible rabbit" gambit, attempting to catch the eye of some bigshot Hollywood producer and remind them the old James Stewart classic has gone over 60 years without having been remade. Which is practically illegal in the movie industry. Someone get on that.
Or maybe Shane Battier is just terrible?
Maybe we're being too hard on poor Shane. Let's check out the reverse angle and see how close his nearest teammate actually was.
Okay, that's pretty damning. What the hell Shane.
Worst Impression of a Professional Basketball Team
Team: Washington Wizards
Date: April 2
All the Washington Wizards ever wanted to do was convince people they're a real basketball team and not just some sort of Washington Generals-type hoax. There's two guys trying to guard Nate Robinson here but it's just ... it's kind of exposing the whole enterprise. Tighten up that ship, guys. You're taking on water.
Fan: This guy
Right hook is okay. That left overhead jab need a lot of work. A LOT of work. And I don't even know what to tell you about your "double speedbag overhead flurry." Back to the drawing board with that one. You've got a lot of enthusiasm, kid, but hear don't win boxing games. Or uh ... "matches" or whatever.