The woman who shot the bird directly in his face following the Bulls' historically lopsided 115-78 loss in Miami has been identified: Filomena Tobias, formerly Phyllis Tobias, neé Filomena Manente, of Jupiter, Florida.
Tobias is the widow of hedge fund manager and CNBC contributor Seth Tobias. Mr. Tobias, her fourth husband, was found dead in the swimming pool of his Jupiter, Florida mansion in 2007. Stop here if you want "mere decadence," and do not want to hit the throttle and soar into "purely Floridian insanity," because that is where it is headed.
- In just one moment from their rocky marriage, Mrs. Tobias bought a Porsche on a credit card. (And then had to return it at the insistence of her husband.)
- Mrs. Tobias once allegedly tested her husband for cocaine use like this: "Just after sitting down, Phyllis jumped from her seat and placed her lips over Tobias’s nose and began sucking. She was searching for cocaine residue."
- Mrs. Tobias was accused by an internet psychic of killing her husband.
- Was accused by that same internet psychic specifically of doing that by luring him into the pool by promising him "a sexual liaison with a gay porn star–exotic dancer who went by the name Tiger because of the tiger stripes he had tattooed on his body."
- All of this was pursued in court by Tobias' family, who was cut out of his will by Florida law in favor of Mrs. Tobias. (Under Florida law, a murder inconveniently voids certain parts of a will if it can be shown that the chief beneficiary had an active role in becoming that beneficiary sooner than nature intended.) She was cleared by the court, and is now filthy rich enough to have excellent seats for Miami Heat games.
- According to her daughter, upon seeing her mother: "I have to stay she still looks really hot."
This is your Miami Heat fan who shot the bird in Joakim Noah's face, and this is the most Miami story you will ever read until the next thing that happens in Miami.