Dodgers/Diamondbacks brawl: The most '80s brawl possible?

Stephen Dunn

There was a skirmish on Tuesday. It developed into a fracas, and maybe even a donnybrook. There was an amazing amount of '80s star power in the middle of it all. Could there have been more?

On Tuesday night, shards of my youth and innocence got into a fight. It was a fight that made me think of my childhood, even more than I would have if it were between the Trix Rabbit and Optimus Prime. There were so, so, so many All-Stars from the 1980s. There was Charles Nagy to represent the '90s, but that's a topic for another day.

The (possibly incomplete) list of the players who showed up on the telecast:

  • Don Mattingly (6)
  • Kirk Gibson (0)
  • Mark McGwire (3)
  • Matt Williams (0)
  • Alan Trammell (5)
  • Tim Wallach (4)
  • Don Baylor (0)
  • Davey Lopes (2)
  • Rick Honeycutt (2)
  • Steve Sax (4)
  • Steve Yeager (0)

The number next to the player indicates the number of All-Star rosters each player made from 1980 through 1989. Don Baylor was a '70s All-Star, Matt Williams was a '90s All-Star, and Kirk Gibson might be the best player in the history of the All-Star Game not to make a roster. So while it seems like this was the fight of the '80s superstars -- oh, man, whichever ABC exec didn't come up with that first is fired -- there was a little spillover into the preceding and following decades. There were 26 combined All-Star appearances for the '80s.

Are there teams that could have done better? There really isn't a way to do this other than visit the "coaches" page on the other 28 teams' websites and check the names with Baseball-Reference.com … but, by gum, this is something we absolutely need to know.

Except, maybe this won't be so hard. Look at the Orioles, for example:

Buck Showalter
Manager

Jim Presley
Batting Coach

Einar Diaz
Assistant Hitting Coach

Rick Adair
Pitching Coach

Wayne Kirby
First Base Coach

Bobby Dickerson
Third Base Coach

John Russell
Bench Coach

Bill Castro
Bullpen Coach

Rudy Arias
Bullpen Catcher

I mean, I had a few Jim Presley cards. He was going to be big, dang it. But he had just one All-Star appearance, and even then it was probably a Mariners pity selection. If the Dodgers and Orioles got into a brawl, the '80s star power would have been all on one side.

There are really only a few contenders for "Team that could possibly compete in an '80s-Star Brawl with the Dodgers or Diamondbacks." In reverse order:

5. A's

Chili Davis (2 All-Star appearances)
Mike Gallego (0)
Curt Young (0)
Bob Melvin (0)

See how tough this is? This is the #5 team. Well, I eyeballed it. I'm not going to look up how many All-Star appearances Ty Van Burkleo had because I'm pretty sure I know. But when I do that, I'm sure to miss a couple, so please forgive me.

I thought this would be a dark-horse contender, but it turns out Gallego never made an All-Star Game. This got me thinking: Are All-Star appearances really the best way to measure how '80s a player is? Isn't there a better way to measure players who defined the '80s?

Yes. Yes, there is. Starting Lineup figures. Chili Davis had one. The rest did not. The dolls action figures have it. The A's are a distant fifth.

4. White Sox

Robin Ventura (0)
Harold Baines (4)
Daryl Boston (0)
Mark Parent (0)
Bobby Thigpen (0)

Three Starting Lineups (Ventura, Baines, and Thigpen), but Ventura's success mostly came in the '90s, which hurt the White Sox some. Still, as a bunch of baseball names from the past milling around a push-pile of angry hornet-men, this would be a fine selection.

3. Twins

Tom Brunansky (1)
Terry Steinbach (2)
Paul Molitor (3)
Rick Anderson (0)

We're counting Paul Molitor, even though he's a baserunning coordinator and not really in uniform. That might be cheating, but we had to boost the numbers. You don't even have to ask if those top three had Starting Lineup figures. Rick Anderson is included for the completionists out there, but it's really a Bruno/Steinbach/Molitor front three that gets the Twins considered.

2. Rangers

Ron Washington (0)
Mike Maddux (0)
Dave Magadan (0)
Andy Hawkins (0)
Gary Pettis (0)
Tony Fernandez (3)
Greg Maddux (1)

This team fares poorly with All-Star games, but Pettis had a Starting Lineup. So did Magadan. They were in the early '90s, though, so it's a tough call. Several of those players are distilled '80s, though, and some of them would fit well on a Diamond King card. Tony Fernandez was a Diamond King in 1988, even.

And what if you add …

Nolan Ryan (3)

He'd look awfully silly charging onto the field in a suit. But what if the, say, White Sox and Rangers got into a brawl, and the White Sox manager saw Ryan and decided to take back his life. What then? Ryan could most certainly be involved, so his three appearances are added onto the pile.

1. Phillies

Steve Henderson (0)
Wally Joyner (1)
Juan Samuel (2)
Ryne Sandberg (6)

The only real contender to the throne. There's a Hall of Famer and a player with one of those Topps Rookie gold cups on his rookie card. Juan Samuel is extremely '80s, getting a Diamond King and three straight Starting Lineup figures.

About that list up there of the Dodgers and Diamondbacks: The Dodgers dominate the '80s. Kirk Gibson was a star, but he never made the All-Star Game. Matt Williams was a '90s star. That leaves Alan Trammell as the guy picking up the slack, and he isn't even a Hall of Famer (though he should be).

So you have to choose: Gibson/Williams/Baylor/Trammell, or Henderson/Joyner/Samuel/Sandberg?

It's tough. But I think the Phillies take it. A Dodgers/Phillies brawl would have the potential for the most '80s brawl possible right now. The odds are good that it wouldn't feature Don Mattingly throwing down Wally Joyner, but it could. So all we can do is hope. And wait. And possibly create a fake John Mayberry Twitter account for the express purpose of tweeting awful things about Zack Greinke.

You know, to get things started.

(A full list of the coaches found on MLB.com, if you were interested:)

Red Sox

#

Name

Position

53

John Farrell

Manager

28

Greg Colbrunn

Hitting Coach

57

Victor Rodriguez

Assistant Hitting Coach

47

Juan Nieves

Pitching Coach

43

Arnie Beyeler

First Base Coach

13

Brian Butterfield

Third Base Coach

17

Torey Lovullo

Bench Coach

58

Dana LeVangie

Bullpen Coach

White Sox

#

Name

Position

23

Robin Ventura

Manager

31

Jeff Manto

Batting Coach

3

Harold Baines

Assistant Hitting Coach

99

Don Cooper

Pitching Coach

17

Daryl Boston

First Base Coach

47

Joe McEwing

Third Base Coach

8

Mark Parent

Bench Coach

58

Bobby Thigpen

Bullpen Coach

59

Mark Salas

Bullpen Catcher

Indians

#

Name

Position

17

Terry Francona

Manager

29

Ty Van Burkleo

Hitting Coach

44

Mickey Callaway

Pitching Coach

16

Mike Sarbaugh

First Base Coach

2

Brad Mills

Third Base Coach

15

Sandy Alomar, Jr.

Bench Coach

45

Kevin Cash

Bullpen Coach

64

Armando Camacaro

Bullpen Catcher

60

Francisco Morales

Bullpen Catcher

Orioles

#

Name

Position

26

Buck Showalter

Manager

15

Jim Presley

Batting Coach

Einar Diaz

Assistant Hitting Coach

41

Rick Adair

Pitching Coach

23

Wayne Kirby

First Base Coach

11

Bobby Dickerson

Third Base Coach

77

John Russell

Bench Coach

57

Bill Castro

Bullpen Coach

62

Rudy Arias

Bullpen Catcher

Tigers

#

Name

Position

10

Jim Leyland

Manager

8

Lloyd McClendon

Batting Coach

87

Toby Harrah

Assistant Hitting Coach

51

Jeff Jones

Pitching Coach

17

Rafael Belliard

First Base Coach

61

Tom Brookens

Third Base Coach

22

Gene Lamont

Bench Coach

59

Mike Rojas

Bullpen Coach

97

Jeff Kunkel

Bullpen Catcher

99

Scott Pickens

Bullpen Catcher

Astros

16

Bo Porter

Manager

11

John Mallee

Hitting Coach

51

Dan Radison

Assistant Hitting Coach

26

Doug Brocail

Pitching Coach

35

Dave Clark

First Base Coach

47

Dave Trembley

Third Base Coach

3

Eduardo Perez

Bench Coach

37

Dennis Martinez

Bullpen Coach

85

Javier Bracamonte

Bullpen Catcher

Jeff Murphy

Bullpen Catcher

Royals

#

Name

Position

3

Ned Yost

Manager

5

George Brett

Hitting Coach

58

Dave Eiland

Pitching Coach

18

Rusty Kuntz

First Base Coach

14

Eddie Rodriguez

Third Base Coach

15

Chino Cadahia

Bench Coach

57

Doug Henry

Bullpen Coach

Pedro Grifol

Special Assistant

Angels

#

Name

Position

14

Mike Scioscia

Manager

80

Jim Eppard

Batting Coach

23

Mike Butcher

Pitching Coach

4

Alfredo Griffin

First Base Coach

21

Dino Ebel

Third Base Coach

9

Rob Picciolo

Bench Coach

Bobby Knoop

Infield Coach

61

Steve Soliz

Bullpen Coach

70

Tom Gregorio

Bullpen Catcher

Bill Lachemann

Catching Coach

Twins

#

Name

Position

35

Ron Gardenhire

Manager

23

Tom Brunansky

Hitting Coach

40

Rick Anderson

Pitching Coach

45

Scott Ullger

First Base Coach

46

Joe Vavra

Third Base Coach

36

Terry Steinbach

Bench/Catching Coach

18

Bobby Cuellar

Bullpen Coach

75

Nate Dammann

Bullpen Catcher

Yankees

#

Name

Position

28

Joe Girardi

Manager

54

Kevin Long

Batting Coach

58

Larry Rothschild

Pitching Coach

50

Mick Kelleher

First Base Coach

59

Rob Thomson

Third Base Coach

56

Tony Pena

Bench Coach

57

Mike Harkey

Bullpen Coach

88

Roman Rodriguez

Bullpen Catcher

A's

#

Name

Position

6

Bob Melvin

Manager

30

Chili Davis

Hitting Coach

41

Curt Young

Pitching Coach

46

Tye Waller

First Base Coach

2

Mike Gallego

Third Base Coach

14

Chip Hale

Bench Coach

51

Darren Bush

Bullpen Coach

59

Ariel Prieto

Coach

Mariners

#

Name

Position

22

Eric Wedge

Manager

25

Dave Hansen

Batting Coach

48

Carl Willis

Pitching Coach

29

Mike Brumley

First Base Coach

43

Jeff Datz

Third Base Coach

6

Robby Thompson

Bench Coach

47

Jaime Navarro

Bullpen Coach

62

Jason Phillips

Bullpen Catcher

52

Daren Brown

Coach

Rays

#

Name

Position

70

Joe Maddon

Manager

17

Derek Shelton

Batting Coach

48

Jim Hickey

Pitching Coach

25

George Hendrick

First Base Coach

6

Tom Foley

Third Base Coach

4

Dave Martinez

Bench Coach

46

Stan Boroski

Bullpen Coach

44

Jamie Nelson

Major League Coach

77

Scott Cursi

Bullpen Catcher

65

Don Zimmer

Coach

Rocco Baldelli

Special Assistant

Rangers

#

Name

Position

38

Ron Washington

Manager

14

Dave Magadan

Batting Coach

31

Mike Maddux

Pitching Coach

16

Dave Anderson

First Base Coach

24

Gary Pettis

Third Base Coach

4

Jackie Moore

Bench Coach

40

Andy Hawkins

Bullpen Coach

66

Josh Frasier

Bullpen Catcher

Tony Fernandez

Special Assistant

Greg Maddux

Special Assistant

Blue Jays

#

Name

Position

5

John Gibbons

Manager

39

Chad Mottola

Hitting Coach

40

Pete Walker

Pitching Coach

25

Dwayne Murphy

First Base Coach

2

Luis Rivera

Third Base Coach

20

DeMarlo Hale

Bench Coach

41

Pat Hentgen

Bullpen Coach

61

Alex Andreopoulos

Bullpen Catcher

Diamondbacks

#

Name

Position

23

Kirk Gibson

Manager

25

Don Baylor

Batting Coach

15

Turner Ward

Assistant Hitting Coach

50

Charles Nagy

Pitching Coach

5

Steve Sax

First Base Coach

9

Matt Williams

Third Base Coach

3

Alan Trammell

Bench Coach

53

Glenn Sherlock

Bullpen Coach

82

Jeff Motuzas

Bullpen Catcher

Braves

#

Name

Position

33

Fredi Gonzalez

Manager

27

Greg Walker

Batting Coach

61

Scott Fletcher

Assistant Hitting Coach

45

Roger McDowell

Pitching Coach

9

Terry Pendleton

First Base Coach

51

Brian Snitker

Third Base Coach

18

Carlos Tosca

Bench Coach

12

Eddie Perez

Bullpen Coach

55

Alan Butts

Bullpen Catcher

Lee Elia

Special Assistant

Cubs

#

Name

Position

4

Dale Sveum

Manager

38

James Rowson

Hitting Coach

45

Rob Deer

Assistant Hitting Coach

25

Chris Bosio

Pitching Coach

39

Dave McKay

First Base Coach

3

David Bell

Third Base Coach

5

Jamie Quirk

Bench Coach

35

Lester Strode

Bullpen Coach

95

Andrew Lane

Bullpen Catcher

Reds

#

Name

Position

12

Dusty Baker

Manager

49

Brook Jacoby

Batting Coach

62

Ronnie Ortegon

Assistant Hitting Coach

38

Bryan Price

Pitching Coach

57

Mack Jenkins

Assistant Pitching Coach

22

Billy Hatcher

First Base Coach

41

Mark Berry

Third Base Coach

35

Chris Speier

Bench Coach

59

Juan Lopez

Bullpen Coach

72

Mike Stefanski

Bullpen Catcher

Rockies

#

Name

Position

22

Walt Weiss

Manager

10

Dante Bichette

Hitting Coach

52

Jim Wright

Pitching Coach

40

Bo McLaughlin

Assistant Pitching Coach

38

Rene Lachemann

First Base Coach

39

Stu Cole

Third Base Coach

11

Tom Runnells

Bench Coach

58

Jerry Weinstein

Catching Coach

9

Vinny Castilla

Special Assistant

Dodgers

#

Name

Position

8

Don Mattingly

Manager

12

Mark McGwire

Batting Coach

52

John Valentin

Assistant Hitting Coach

40

Rick Honeycutt

Pitching Coach

43

Ken Howell

Assistant Pitching Coach

15

Davey Lopes

First Base Coach

26

Tim Wallach

Third Base Coach

45

Trey Hillman

Bench Coach

50

Chuck Crim

Bullpen Coach

85

Rob Flippo

Bullpen Catcher

86

Fumi Ishibashi

Bullpen Catcher

11

Manny Mota

Coach

7

Steve Yeager

Catching Coach

Sandy Koufax

Special Advisor

Marlins

#

Name

Position

11

Mike Redmond

Manager

10

Tino Martinez

Hitting Coach

55

Chuck Hernandez

Pitching Coach

7

Perry Hill

First Base Coach

4

Joe Espada

Third Base Coach

41

Rob Leary

Bench Coach

38

Reid Cornelius

Bullpen Coach

75

Jeff Urgelles

Bullpen Coordinator

Brewers

#

Name

Position

10

Ron Roenicke

Manager

13

Johnny Narron

Hitting Coach

39

Rick Kranitz

Pitching Coach

35

Garth Iorg

First Base Coach

6

Ed Sedar

Third Base Coach

36

Jerry Narron

Bench Coach

43

Lee Tunnell

Bullpen Coach

55

Marcus Hanel

Bullpen Catcher

33

John Shelby

Coach

Mets

#

Name

Position

10

Terry Collins

Manager

51

Dave Hudgens

Batting Coach

59

Dan Warthen

Pitching Coach

26

Tom Goodwin

First Base Coach

18

Tim Teufel

Third Base Coach

7

Bob Geren

Bench Coach

25

Ricky Bones

Bullpen Coach

78

Eric Langill

Bullpen Catcher

54

Dave Racaniello

Bullpen Catcher

Phillies

#

Name

Position

41

Charlie Manuel

Manager

5

Steve Henderson

Hitting Coach

21

Wally Joyner

Assistant Hitting Coach

30

Rich Dubee

Pitching Coach

8

Juan Samuel

First Base Coach

23

Ryne Sandberg

Third Base Coach

54

Rod Nichols

Bullpen Coach

81

Jesus Tiamo

Bullpen Catcher

17

Mick Billmeyer

Catching Coach

Pirates

#

Name

Position

13

Clint Hurdle

Manager

3

Jay Bell

Hitting Coach

54

Ray Searage

Pitching Coach

41

Rick Sofield

First Base Coach

16

Nick Leyva

Third Base Coach

28

Jeff Banister

Bench Coach

56

Euclides Rojas

Bullpen Coach

86

Heberto Andrade

Bullpen Catcher

87

Jeff Branson

Coach

85

Dave Jauss

Coach

Padres

#

Name

Position

20

Bud Black

Manager

28

Phil Plantier

Hitting Coach

32

Alonzo Powell

Assistant Hitting Coach

36

Darren Balsley

Pitching Coach

10

Dave Roberts

First Base Coach

30

Glenn Hoffman

Third Base Coach

17

Rick Renteria

Bench Coach

47

Willie Blair

Bullpen Coach

81

Griffin Benedict

Bullpen Catcher

80

Justin Hatcher

Bullpen Catcher

Giants

#

Name

Position

15

Bruce Bochy

Manager

31

Hensley Meulens

Batting Coach

5

Joe Lefebvre

Assistant Hitting Coach

33

Dave Righetti

Pitching Coach

39

Roberto Kelly

First Base Coach

1

Tim Flannery

Third Base Coach

17

Ron Wotus

Bench Coach

26

Mark Gardner

Bullpen Coach

58

Bill Hayes

Bullpen Catcher

Joey Amalfitano

Special Assistant

Jim Davenport

Special Assistant

J.T. Snow

Cardinals

#

Name

Position

22

Mike Matheny

Manager

47

John Mabry

Hitting Coach

18

Bengie Molina

Assistant Hitting Coach

27

Derek Lilliquist

Pitching Coach

37

Chris Maloney

First Base Coach

11

Jose Oquendo

Third Base Coach

28

Mike Aldrete

Bench Coach

49

Blaise Ilsley

Bullpen Coach

39

Jamie Pogue

Bullpen Catcher

Gaylen Pitts

Nationals

#

Name

Position

5

Davey Johnson

Manager

4

Rick Eckstein

Batting Coach

54

Steve McCatty

Pitching Coach

32

Tony Tarasco

First Base Coach

44

Trent Jewett

Third Base Coach

53

Randy Knorr

Bench Coach

9

Jim Lett

Bullpen Coach

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