Another week of playoffs, another week of teams horribly embarrassing themselves in the playoffs. That's a good thing for me, though, because otherwise I'd be out of a job! Times are lean for a guy who is only qualified to mock athletes for a living. You'd be surprised.
But let's get right down to business! You're here for GIFs and GIFs are what I happen to provide. Please enjoy the very worst NBA plays of the week, helpfully broken into arbitrary categories. You know, for convenience.
Player: Mario Chalmers
There's probably a simple explanation for this. He probably thought Roy Hibbert's head was the baseline. It's a common mistake, really. (It isn't; Chalmers was just being what they call in the business "a mega jerkface.")
Player: Dwyane Wade
Wade has basically been like a random-number generator during the playoffs, but the random number is binary. Wade's either going to be a 1 or a 0, but no one is going to know which one until after the game is nearly over. If Wade's on, he's amazing and the Heat are the best team on the planet. If he's off, he's playing like a 37-year-old dude with one knee and horrible fashion sense. The second one seems like kind of a stretch, I know.
My point is that airballs are hilarious.
Worst Unprovoked Violence
Player: Chris Andersen
Birdman is also a binary character. He's either acting like a goofball or giving random dudes an Axe Bomber out of nowhere for basically no reason. This is more entertaining than the Dwyane Wade thing, but probably a lot less acceptable in everyday life.
Worst Being Manhandled
Player: Chris Andersen
But the aftermath is that this tiny ref can push Birdman like 30 feet back with very minimal effort. Way to seem not very intimidating, Birdman. Or maybe this is the best mime routine I've ever seen.
Player: Danny Granger
The idea with setting a screen (as I understand it) is that you put yourself between the opponent and your teammate, who has the ball. You don't, as Granger seems to think, just run pell-mell into Paul George in the midst of his dribblings. Better luck next time, Danny! Next season, I mean. Your team has been eliminated.
Player: Lance Stephenson, David West
In fairness, they're called the Indiana Pacers, not the "Indiana Dunkaroos."
Note to self: buy Dunkaroos.
Chair: Shaquille O'Neal
This chair is AWFUL! Who taught you how to be a chair?! Hey Shaq, you make a better chair than a window. SIKE! No, you don't, you are equally bad at both of those things.
Worst Flop (Tie)
So what makes these two the worst flops of the week? In a week that was jam-packed with flops, flops, flops-a-plenty and more flops? The simple fact that these are flops without actual contact. In stark contrast to something like, say, this flop, these are examples of two talented basketball players (and floppists) realizing, mid-flop, that there is precious little to flop about, but then halfheartedly going through with said flop anyway. Kudos to you, flop artists. You make the world a floppier place.
Worst Layup Ever
Player: Norris Cole
Sweet lord in heaven, what was that? Oh, no big deal, just the worst layup of all time anywhere ever. AND IT WAS IN A PLAYOFF GAME. Like, a game with stakes and everything. Sheesh. What's the opposite of reaching for the stars? Reaching for the roots? Because Norris reached the hell out of those roots.