CM Punk. Brock Lesnar. Paul Heyman. No disqualification. Even with Daniel Bryan in the main event, it feels like the match of the night.
Lesnar is brought to you by your local Case IH dealer, in full gloves and trunks. Punk, who has now fully embraced the Civil War general look, comes out second to a giant pop from the crowd. Lesnar immediately bullies Punk into the corner and lands a series of shoulders, and the onslaught is on. After a few minutes of battering from Lesnar, Punk lands a knee to the jaw that staggers the Beast. A second knee knocks Lesnar out of the ring, and Punk follows with a dive through the ropes onto the floor. It's only the first of many Punk manuevers from upon high. A double ax handle from the top turnbuckle floored Lesnar again.
Punk makes his first mistake, going after Heyman and giving Lesnar time to recover. Lesnar catches Punk and throws him into both the Spanish and English announce tables, because Brock Lesnar is an equal opportunity destroyer of tables. Lesnar places the table banner over Punk, then snaps it under foot. Punk is down. Heyman is smiling.
We quickly have our narrative: Punk throwing absurd moves at Lesnar because his usual offense is ineffective against the Beast, with Lesnar methodically pummelling the former WWE champ when the high-risk stuff doesn't work. For instance, Punk lands a series of elbows and kicks that barely gets Lesnar to a knee, but when Punk goes for a splash from the top rope, Lesnar catches him, then drops him like a bag of dirt. Lesnar focuses his offense on Punk's ribs and back, as Heyman would tell him to do, because these guys are good at pro wrestling.
When Punk lands the big moves, though, Lesnar sells it perfectly. A knee from the top rope sends a reeling Lesnar to the opposite turnbuckle, where Punk can attack with flying knee after flying knee. Punk lands the Macho Man elbow drop and goes for the pin, but Lesnar kicks out at 2. You're not getting out of this that easy.
Punk eschews any wrestling offense, going for blunt blows and anything else that he can find. That includes Lesnar's ear.
Punk goes for the GTS, but Lesnar grabs the unused arm and locks in a Kimora lock. The combatants work through submission after submission. Punk locks in a triangle choke, and keeps it in when Lesnar tries to power bomb his way out of it. Lesnar nearly taps, then lands a second, vicious power bomb to break the hold. The crowd chants, "This is awesome," and they're right.
Lesnar drops Punk with a series of suplexes, then makes a slow, sinister walk to ringside for a steel chair. The slow walk gave Punk time to ascend the top rope and dive on Lesnar, with the steel chair between them. Punk gets up first and takes the chair to Lesnar's back. Lesnar catches the chair, but Punk again takes advantage of the No-DQ stipulation, landing a low blow. Punk goes to the top rope for the ninth time, chair in tow, and drops the steel across Lesnar's face. Two count.
Punk hits Lesnar with two chair shots, and Heyman blocks a third. When Lesnar picks up Punk for the F5, Punk grabs Heyman's tie. Lesnar drops Punk, and Punk lands the GTS out of nowhere. Heyman interferes. Two count.
Lesnar takes brief control and goes for the F5, but Punk counters into a DDT. Two count. Punk puts the vice lock on Lesnar, but Heyman distracts Punk. And when Punk inexplicably puts the vice lock on Heyman, Lesnar attacks with the steel chair. Three brutal chair shots set up the F5 into the chair. And nobody is getting up from that. Lesnar gets the win, with Heyman and Punk laid out in the middle of the ring as the pin is counted.