Join SB Nation in self-reporting your NCAA violations

Tyler Kaufman-US PRESSWIRE

Rules are rules, and we take this sort of thing seriously. Below, please find -- with our apologies -- the NCAA violations we committed while doing regular human things. Feel free to confess your own.

Say this much for the University of Oklahoma's recent self-report of NCAA violations in the year 2013 -- it is comprehensive. It is also hilarious in how clearly it reflects the officious picayunery of the NCAA's rulebook, a self-satirizing talmudic taxonomy of weird rules governing text messages and Facebook messages and what constitutes impermissible appetizers at Golden Corral or whatever. OU's report, rife as it is with rowing coaches sending innocuous but forbidden texts and athletes receiving "pasta in excess of the permissible amount allowed" at school banquets, is funny because the NCAA's rules are.

But rules are rules, and no one -- not even us -- is exempt from them. So consider this report us making things right. It's not easy to admit when you've gone astray, but it is valuable. Feel free to confess your own NCAA violations in the comments. You'll be glad you did.

VIOLATION: In Campfire, SB Nation's internal editorial message board, a staffer repeatedly deployed "Flavor Town," a horrifying GIF of celebrity chef Guy Fieri's wet mouth. This was done despite repeated warnings that it was super-horrible and everyone hated it. RESOLUTION: Editor appeared contrite, and promised to use the GIF only "when the situation called for it."

VIOLATION: A staffer received a text message from a number the staffer did not recognize, reading "Where R U" and responded "At home, I think you have the wrong number." The staffer further responded to a subsequent text ("TY") with a second text reading "No problem." The person sending those texts might have been a recruit or something. Anyway, it was weird and seemed worth reporting. RESOLUTION: Staffer agreed to foreswear use of Emojis for two weeks.

VIOLATION: Attending a dinner with family at an Italian-themed chain restaurant, a SB Nation staffer was served pasta far in excess of the permissible amount; the bowl was metaphorically if not literally bottomless. Salad and breadsticks were also made available and consumed above permissible limits. RESOLUTION: It was determined that the staffer has probably suffered enough.

VIOLATION: A staffer repeatedly and inappropriately sent Twitter messages in which the first and last letters of a sports-related person's name were transposed -- e.g. "Tony Parker --> Pony Tarker" or "Doris Burke --> Boris Durke" -- despite it being kind of a one-note joke. He also re-tweeted too many responses, in retrospect. RESOLUTION: None.

VIOLATION: /Get Flavor Town


RESOLUTION: Sorry, sorry. Seriously that will not happen again unless the situation calls for it.

VIOLATION: We possibly overdid it with regard to taking various videos and then setting them to Ginuwine's 1996 hit, "Pony". There is, alternatively, a chance that we did not do this nearly often enough. RESOLUTION: The staff has agreed to set things to Ginuwine's "Pony" only when that thing would definitely be improved by such action.

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