(Submitted by @ryanreal)
That face perfectly captures the moment: after this season, the NHL will face contraction, and the Minnesota Wild will cease to exist. This month, they made one last playoff push. In the last game of the season, they found themselves in a critical matchup with their geographical rival and big brother: the St. Paul Blue Jackets. The Blue Jackets dealt the Wild a heartbreaking loss that knocked them out of playoff contention. They wanted one Stanley Cup appearance before they left the world. Just one.
Just kidding! The Blue Jackets are in Columbus and a different conference and the Wild have been on target for the fourth playoff seed for months. This was the 67th of 82 games. This is the saddest man in the world for no reason. His feelings aren't valid.
I'm including this GIF for the shadowboxing, but what I'm really concerned about now is that guy's shirt. I eventually pieced together that it says "Amsterdam," but for a few minutes I was under the impression that it was album art for a chillwave band named "Jam Master Jam." Those weren't a very fun few minutes.
NOT CRISTIANO RONALDO
(Via Reddit user PhoneDojo)
This is the sort of moment that's meant for GIFing. Like, from conception, to setup, to execution, to camera work, it feels as though the moment was built with the GIF in mind. The best part is the guy in the peach-colored shirt, taking just a moment to size up the scene. Can he, a man wearing khakis and dress shoes and holding a day planner, make a header that was made by one of the world's most elite athletes?
Nope, but I understand the impulse to try. I'm one of those people who instinctively wants to try to jump up and touch stuff as I walk by. I jump up and slap a support beam every time I walk through my living room. God. One day I will no longer live alone, and I will have so much odd behavior to answer for. There's the "pooping with the door open" that everyone knows about, but there's also the "compliment yourself via Gordon Ramsay impression while frying eggs" stuff that nobody talks about.
Maaan. Aren't those costumes designed such that you look through the mouth? Did the person in that suit decide to take one in the team and get cracked in the face? The physical/athletic demands of being a mascot in a suit are absolutely sport-like. See also: the characters at Disney World. No matter how oppressively hot that Florida sun gets, they're strictly forbidden from removing their costume's head. If they do, they're fired on the spot. They're liable to fall ill from the heat, and simply puke inside their suit while their costume smiles dumbly on the outside, and there is perhaps nothing more Florida than that.
Saturday, the 76ers host the Pistons and risk losing their 27th consecutive game, which would set a new NBA record. (They'll also be the subject of next week's series premiere of NBA Y2K -- basically, it's the basketball Breaking Madden, if that's your sort of deal.)
The thing I find funniest about this streak is that a team can lose 26 straight games and still avoid being in last place. That spot belongs to the Bucks, who, in light of these circumstances, might be even sadder.
We've seen the Lovable Cinderella, the Funny Cinderella, and the Heartwarming Cinderella. What I really want to see someday is the Heel Cinderella. Like, a 14-seed that:
- Plays zone exclusively
- Has a coach that looks like Brad Stevens and conducts interviews like Gregg Popovich
- Pulls out close games because it's really good at free throws
- Never, ever even tries to score in transition, and yet inexplicably has great transition defense
- Mostly scores via "pass to the post, pass out, three"
- Team name is the "Mallequins" or "Big Throshing" or some other made-up thing that makes no damn sense
I guess this is the spiritual companion to BUTTGOAL, the winner of GIF TOURNAMENT V. Dude is just playing the dang xylophone with that goalpost.