The Indiana Pacers are having some problems right now. They finished their season on a tremendous skid, during which Roy Hibbert accused his teammates of being "selfish." They lost their opening playoff game to the Hawks, at home. It was recently revealed that their last practice before the postseason involved a scuffle between teammates.
The question now is not whether, but how far the Pacers -- a team that looked nearly unbeatable in the first half of the season -- will fall. We are proud to present our official, scientific projections for the future of the Pacers' team descent.
Game 3 Shootaround: Ian Mahinmi refuses to leave the locker room until someone buys him an ice cream. No one does.
Game 3, First Quarter: Andrew Bynum appears in the rafters of the Philips Arena, wearing a trench coat and holding a bat. He keeps pointing the bat at various players. Everyone tries the best they can to ignore him.
Game 3, Second Quarter: Solomon Hill and Lavoy Allen ignore Frank Vogel's pleas to enter the game as substitutes, because they keep asking assistant coach "Popeye" Jones where his spinach is.
Game 4 Practice: Luis Scola pulls a knife when no one agrees to do "the lady part" on his a capella version of Positive K's "I Got A Man."
Game 4, First Quarter: When C.J. Watson asks why George Hill was out of position on a play, Hill replies, "I will straight-up Hannibal you."
Game 4, Halftime: Roy Hibbert's attempt at team bonding backfires when he tries to give Donald Sloan a "hot foot" and ends up setting the locker room on fire. As the arena is cleared for the fire department, Hibbert tries to break the ice by continually saying, "I dunno who started the fire. Maybe it was Billy Joel." No one laughs.
What happened last night
Game 4, Fourth Quarter: When the game resumes play, two days later, Lance Stephenson and Evan Turner engage in a wild on-court brawl during the closing seconds. As the crowd slowly, awkwardly files out, Stephenson and Turner wail on one another with folding chairs. When the lights in the arena are turned out, they're still flailing away.
Game 5, Second Quarter: Paul George weeps openly while Rasual Butler takes a hatchet to the court floorboards. The Pacers are disqualified from the playoffs.
Game 5, During Hawks Celebration: Solomon Hill and Lavoy Allen hold down "Popeye" Jones and force him to eat spinach while they giggle.