If you're unfamiliar with NXT, please think of it as the WWE's version of Triple-A baseball. Talent signed to what's known as "developmental" contracts wrestle at the company's performance center in Florida and those who are almost ready for prime time (as it were) wrestle for NXT, which has a weekly show on the WWE Network and Hulu Plus.
When the WWE Network launched in February, its first live event was the two-hour NXT ArRIVAL. On Thursday night, NXT will once again broadcast live, exclusively on the WWE Network, with another two-hour special: NXT Takeover. The event will be preceded by a live pre-show beginning at 7:30 p.m. ET, hosted by Renee Young and featuring guests Cesaro, Paul Heyman and Christian. Takeover will begin at 8 p.m. ET.
If you've never watched NXT before, or if it's been a while (or even if you just like jokes), we have your complete primer right here.
Adam Rose vs. Camacho
What am I looking at here? Adam Rose (who was previously known as Leo Kruger, a South African big game hunter) (basically if Kraven the Hunter were a wrestler) is a fun-loving rock star in the vein of Russell Brand's Aldous Snow character (which is basically just Brand playing himself, if we're being honest). He lives on a bus called "The Exotic Express" with his "Rosebuds," a group of like-minded individuals who never want to stop partying.
Okay, so it maybe sounds weird when I type it all out like that. But there's a guy in a bunny suit. You'll like that guy.
Camacho, meanwhile, is a Tongan-American man from Hawaii who the WWE turned into a guy named "Camacho" from Juarez, Mexico, because they needed a partner for a Latino gangster character named "Hunico" who is now the second person to play the masked children's superhero Sin Cara and is no longer affiliated with Camacho. Or a gang, assumedly. And yet Camacho remains Camacho.
I swear, the rest of the explanations will probably not be this weird.
Why you should care: Because Adam Rose is fun to watch in NXT? Heck, this might end up being a good match. I have no idea. The bottom line is this: weep for Camacho.
NXT Tag Team Championship Match: The Ascension (c) vs. Kalisto & El Local
What am I looking at here? The Ascension are a couple of vaguely demonic guys who are bruisers. They're the tag team champs. One of the guys, Konnor (the other guy's name is Viktor), goes "YAH" when he does things, so the NXT crowd will be chanting "YAH" a lot. It's all in good fun. Kalisto is a masked high-flyer and the shorter of the two on his team. El Local is a masked sort-of high-flyer who might sound familiar if you close your eyes. Or leave them open. Or happen to be near the Internet.
Why you should care: Because Kalisto is going to blow your gosh danged mind with the stuff he's going to do in this match. He's going to be the Rey Mysterio for a new generation if WWE plays their cards right. If you doubt what I'm saying, please watch this right now. That's Kalisto, when he wrestled on the indies as "Samuray Del Sol." Get ready for FLIPS.
No. 1 Contender's Match: Tyler Breeze vs. Sami Zayn
What am I looking at here? Tyler Breeze is a male model who is pretty pleased with himself. Think Derek Zoolander before the fall. He is obsessed with selfies and someone at WWE probably thinks he's a scathing commentary on our social media-obsessed culture. Really, he's just good at being a self-absorbed prick. Sami Zayn is one of the very best wrestlers in the world and a rare "good guy" that is actually a decent human being and easy to root for.
Why you should care: Because the winner of this match will go on to challenge for the NXT title and NXT title reigns are typically good benchmarks for "who's going to get called up to WWE next?" And because this will probably be the best match on the show. Heck, it's worth it just for Tyler Breeze's entrance. You'll see.
NXT Women's Championship Match: Charlotte vs. Natalya
What am I looking at here? Charlotte is the seven-foot-tall (I'm exaggerating) daughter of Ric Flair. For real. She'll have Ric Flair in her corner for this match, reportedly. Natalya is the daughter of Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart, but WWE doesn't really care about Jim, so she's the niece of Bret "Hitman" Hart. Also-reportedly, Bret will be in Natalya's corner for this match. So this match involves Ric Flair and Bret Hart! Sort of.
Why you should care: Besides the Ric Flair/Bret Hart thing, this match is the tournament final for the vacant NXT Women's Championship. Pray for a Charlotte victory, because both on "Total Divas" and in the WWE, Natalya is kind of the absolute worst.
NXT Championship Match: Adrian Neville (c) vs. Tyson Kidd
What am I looking at here? Adrian Neville is the NXT champion, a tiny, impossibly ripped dude known as "The Man Gravity Forgot," due to his ability to jump and do flips. I think. I don't think it's because he's lost in space. Tyson Kidd is Natalya's husband and one of the last graduates of the prestigious Hart Family Dungeon. He's a fine wrestler but he's basically the opposite of "personality" or "charisma." If you make vanilla ice milk into a person, it would be Tyson Kidd. Except more flavorful.
Why you should care: Title matches are neat! And these guys should give you a solid main event, despite Tyson Kidd being the charisma equivalent of a bread sandwich. This may also be your chance to get in on the ground floor of Adrian Neville, as it appears he'll be one of the next wrestlers heading up to WWE television soon.
That's basically all you need to know about NXT. Just ... don't ask about Mojo Rawley. It's better that we don't discuss it.