On the recruiting trail with [NFL] head coach Pete Carroll

Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

Pete Carroll was an ace recruiter at USC. He's now the head coach of the Seattle Seahawks, which is not a college football team, but he still wants your talented sons to feel like part of his family.

It's just after dinnertime, and the parents of an unnamed undrafted NFL free agent are settling in for a quiet evening.

MOM: Junior seemed really upbeat on the phone. I was worried he'd be down after not getting picked.

DAD: Well, he's a hard worker, and I think he's been in touch with plenty of teams interested in giving him a chance. I'm really proud of him. He's got a good head on his shoulders.

MOM: You're right. But he's my baby! I just want him to be happy.

The doorbell rings.

MOM: Who could that be at this hour? I bet it's Julie from across the street. That woman should really learn to keep enough vanilla extract on hand.

PETE CARROLL: Evening, ma'am. Sorry to bother you and your husband at this hour, but we got a little turned around coming off the interstate.

DAD: I ... I'm sorry, who are you?

CARROLL: Coach Pete Carroll, and it's a pleasure to finally meet you folks. I hope you got my brochure.

MOM: We were very confused as to why that came here.

CARROLL: Well, this is all about relationships, ma'am. We want you to know that if your son accepts a Seahawks scholarship on National Signing Day, he's gonna be part of a family. Seattle football is not just about winning on the field. We want these kids to succeed in all areas of life.

DAD: Your punter is 32 years old.

CARROLL: And we're gonna get him that doctorate in art history before all is said and done! We recognize a man can't punt forever, even in Jacksonville. Committing to the Seahawks means we're going to make sure you're prepared for wherever life takes you.

MOM: You do understand that our son is an adult who can make his own decisions, right? He even has an agent. There's nothing we need to sign off on.

CARROLL: [slides keys to a brand new car across the table] You sure about that?

DAD: Coach, this is just embarrassing.

CARROLL: Hey, I get it. We're not trying to make you feel uncomfortable. It's just that we want you to know that the Seahawks are going to be here for you, whatever you need. A lot of these other schools are going to come at you with a bunch of promises. Signing bonuses. Guaranteed money. Performance incentives. But isn't a contract just a piece of paper lawyers agree means something? And aren't lawyers all untrustworthy?

You can trust me. That's the Seahawk difference.

MOM: I really think it'd be best if you leave now.

CARROLL: Ok, I can understand that. Just tell Junior we'd love to host him at one of our overnight camps. And I'd be happy to help find him a job with one of our more generous season ticket holders in the offseason, if you know what I mean.

DAD: Goodnight, Coach.

CARROLL: Tell Junior to Snapchat me!

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