Draft Numerology, NFC East: Joe Don Looney is your new favorite player

Rob Carr

Numerology wraps up in the NFC East, where the quarterbacks are all elite and rational men make thoughtful football decisions.

It's the final installment of Draft Numerology, the only NFL Draft preview that is guaranteed to not make any predictions that turn out incorrect. Mostly because there are no predictions. Whoever said you miss 100% of the shots you don't take didn't understand math at all.

NEW YORK GIANTS - 12th Pick

Have the Giants previously drafted in this position? Four times, though the last was fifty years ago, in the 1964 Draft. They used that pick on Joe Don Looney but traded him to the Colts within a month. This is not even the third most interesting football fact about Mr. Looney, who also:

- Dropped out of the University of Texas, was kicked out of TCU, and was thrown off the Oklahoma football team after punching an assistant coach.
- With the Detroit Lions, refused to take a play in to the quarterback, telling his coach "If you want a messenger boy, call Western Union."
- Supposedly blocked a blitzing defender by punching him in the jaw during his tenure in Washington.

Who usually gets picked twelfth? It's a defensive lineman heavy slot, with previous number twelve picks including Trace Armstrong, Shaun Ellis, Warren Sapp, and Haloti Ngata. There have been four running backs taken here in the last thirty drafts as well, and they've all been pretty good to great - Warrick Dunn, Marshawn Lynch, Knowshon Moreno, and Ryan Mathews.

Oh, come on. Ryan Mathews might be good! Maybe! Give it a few more years!

The Class of 2014 turned eight in 2000. By then, they'd likely been given a book (instead of the Dreamcast they wanted) for at least one birthday. As of that year, what was the 12th-best selling children's book? "Where The Sidewalk Ends," by Shel Silverstein. This is a book that uses illustrations to trick kids into thinking poetry is fun; it is thereby responsible for 85% of all the terrible middle and high school poetry in the world.

DALLAS COWBOYS - 16th Pick

Has Dallas picked sixteenth before? Only once, in 1961. They took Texas Tech standout E.J. Holub, though Holub decided to go with the AFL team that drafted him, the Dallas Texans. (There are many examples of rookies choosing to go with the AFL instead of the NFL, but it's especially hurtful when you get spurned for a team in the same city.) After the Texans moved to Kansas City and became the Chiefs, Holub started in two Super Bowls - once as a linebacker, and then again as a center.

What position is taken most often here? Defensive linemen again; they've been drafted with the sixteenth pick in 12 of the last 30 drafts, including the selections of Jevon Kearse, Hugh Douglas, and Chester McGlockton. The high point, however, was in 1985, when San Francisco used this pick to take Jerry Rice. This is important as a matter of perspective; your team can make an awesome choice and draft someone who contributes for years, and it will still never be the best 16th pick ever.

What was the 16th-best selling children's book ever as of 2000? "Hop on Pop," by Dr. Seuss. "Hop on Pop" is 24 pages long, because Dr. Seuss was a moneymaking genius.

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES - 22nd Pick

Have the Eagles picked here? Three times, most recently in 1990 when they took Ben Smith out of Georgia. Their first time drafting 22nd overall was in the 1948 Draft, and we bring this up as an excuse to point out who the Eagles took with the 273rd pick then:

Screen_shot_2014-05-04_at_11.34.26_pm_medium

SB NATION EXCLUSIVE REX GROSSMAN IS A VAMPIRE WHO HAS PLAYED IN THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE FOR DECADES WITHOUT ANYONE NOTICING SOMEHOW

Um, vampire worries aside, who usually gets taken with the 22nd pick? In the last thirty drafts, defensive backs come up most frequently (seven selected), but there have also been four quarterbacks, including...

No.

It can't be.

Rex_medium

via blogs.suntimes.com

God help us all.

What book was 22nd on the all-time sales list in 2000? "A Light In The Attic," also by Shel Silverstein. Damn you, Shel. All those kids who checked your book out from the school library should have gone with an Eyewitness Book instead. Preferably Arms & Armor.

WASHINGTON - No pick

When was the last time Washington didn't have a first round pick? Washington had a first rounder in 2008 that they ended up trading on draft day to the Falcons, but the last time they started the Draft without a first round pick of their own was 2006, having traded away that pick in 2005 when they moved up to take Jason Campbell.

So clearly there's a precedent for this franchise to give up future first round picks in order to get quarterbacks that bring them years and years of success.

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