The Minnesota is playing Arizona today and to honor the moment here is a Vine of a Viking pooping on a Cardinal. There’s a lot to unpack in this six second video.
Why is the viking in a tree?
This is hands-down the absolute worse place to poop in the woods. Okay, so I guess you could poop in a den of snakes or something — but up in a tree is definitely a close second.
Then there’s the reading material to consider. We’re not sure what the viking is reading, but he somehow climbed the tree with reading material under his arm just to poop. This is so dumb.
Why is the viking surprised?
After pooping on the cardinal the viking raises its eyebrows in a “uh-oh” motion. Like, what did you expect, dude? You’re in a tree pooping on the ground. There’s an each way bet something is going to walk under that tree. You haven’t earned the right to be surprised.
Why is the viking’s poop purple?
This one requires a lot of explaining. I went to the always-useful website “poopcolors.com” to explore what makes poop purple. I learned that some food coloring can make poop purple, but upon reading more about the diet of vikings I’m fairly sure this isn’t the case. They didn’t have preservatives of Kool-Aid, which leaves one possibility:
Hematochezia usually leads to red poop but in some cases the color may vary from bright red to darkish purple. The common cause of hematochezia is the presence of hemorrhoids, a condition that makes the veins around the rectum or the anus swell up. This condition is accompanied by abdominal pain, itching, painful bowel movements and colored excreta, due to the presence of blood in it.
So the Minnesota viking has hemmorhoids. Cool.