Breaking Madden

Johnny Manziel versus the arrow of time

96

We have seen Johnny Manziel extend plays for several seconds. In this episode of Breaking Madden, we ask him to do so for an eternity.

A waste of your time

74

Did you make it into this week's Breaking Madden? Goodness, I certainly hope not. Let's meet the 19 newest members of the Cleveland Browns and Carolina Panthers.

The quest for a 4-12 playoff team

88

The NFC South is horrible. It could be worse, and it will be worse. Let's blow it to Hell.

Breaking Madden roster cuts

110

Did you make it into this week's episode? Goodness, I hope not. We're going to destroy the NFC South, and we have enlisted the help of a dozen Southern-inclined individuals to help us do it.

Breaking Madden: Internet coaches Matt Stafford

This week in Breaking Madden, we're playing as the Detroit Lions offense. Well, you are, actually. Y'all told me which buttons to push, and when to push them. This is all your fault.

Yellin' at Maya Angelou

52

Did you tell a story awkward enough to land yourself a roster spot in this week's Breaking Madden? Well goodness, I certainly hope not. Here are the 19 Twitter players who find themselves in Week...

3,000 players, one controller, absolute chaos

87

It's not fair that Jon gets to play Breaking Madden all by himself. So this time, he invited thousands of you to push the buttons for him. This is going to be so stupid.

Breaking Madden roster cuts: Week 11

This week's Breaking Madden requires the services of 21 individuals who are terrible at pushing buttons. These are their stories.

A century of Mark Sanchez

127

Mark Sanchez has once again found himself a starting quarterback in the NFL. Can a team get to a Super Bowl with The Sanchize? This is our mission. No matter the team. No matter the cost.

The quest for 511 passing TDs in a game

119

Peyton Manning is now the all-time leader in touchdown passes with 510. Brett Favre's mission: to surpass that in a single game. We realize how impossible this sounds.

The brave souls who made it into Breaking Madden

In total, 12 of you will be featured in this week's Breaking Madden. If you're one of them, I'm sorry. Let's talk about the worst days at work we've ever had.

The 344th: a Breaking Madden miracle

17

It wasn't supposed to happen. This episode of Breaking Madden was supposed to be a story of defeat. But sometimes I am not in charge.

Breaking Madden: Edge of Tom-orrow

A quarterback sneak from inside your own 1-yard line is a terrible idea. Let's do this hundreds of times.

People do awful things for Breaking Madden infamy

Did you make it into Breaking Madden? Well, goodness, I hope not. Here are the 21 people who have disgraced their way into Week 7's episode.

BEEFTANK returns

143

Five feet tall. 400 pounds. Age 76. Fast as the Dickens, and perhaps even faster. At long last, the hero of Breaking Madden has returned.

The haunting of Cam Newton

121

In this episode of Breaking Madden, we are disabling the offsides penalty. Ice up, Cam.

Run the dang ball, Teddy

133

Teddy Bridgewater didn't run much in college, and when he did, he was one of the least graceful ball carriers in football. Now he plays before a nation of dumb NFL fans who want him to run. In this...

De'Anthony Thomas, return man-god

Chiefs rookie De'Anthony Thomas is on track to make his NFL debut Sunday. Breaking Madden celebrates his arrival.

Tony Romo goes to Quarterback Hell

162

Tony Romo threw three straight interceptions last Sunday. His punishment: All his toys have been taken away. Welcome to Quarterback Hell.

Jadeveon Clowney, 201 sacks, 1 game

134

Breaking Madden has returned. It missed you.

How you can be in the next Breaking Madden

36

The season finale of Breaking Madden is coming, and for the first time ever, we're going to use it as an instrument for good instead of evil. Donate to a charity of your choice, and you'll have a...

The BEEFTANK Trilogy concludes

120

Clarence BEEFTANK is the hero of Breaking Madden, and the lovable little man who started it all. After a three-month absence, he returns for the NFC Championship Game to humiliate the Seahawks, and...

An offense of all Tom Bradys

105

This Saturday, the Patriots will need Tom Brady as never before, so we fired up Madden, made copies of Tom Brady and put them all on the New England offense. It was terrible, and then it was...

Tony Gonzalez, cranky old man of destruction

74

Tony Gonzalez has not fumbled since 2006. The Redskins' special-teams unit is abjectly miserable. Let's smash the two into each other in Madden, see what happens, and accept that we will create...

Let's make offsides legal, that sounds fun

113

Fumbles are glorious, but over the last few decades, they've been on the decline in the NFL. Let's bring them all back. All at once. And let's destroy as many rules of man and God as we need to.

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