NCAA bracket predictions 2014: Picking the tournament based on songs

Chris Brunskill

Welcome to the only foolproof bracket selection methodology: a subjective selection of songs about cities.

SB Nation 2014 NCAA March Madness Coverage

Hello and welcome to bracket predictions. If you're reading this, congratulations! You've found the only 100% correct picks on the entire Internet.*

The way I'm determining each matchup in the entire bracket is simple: which school's home city or state has had the better song written about it? Sounds simple, right? Well, let's find out just how terrible an idea this is!** Enjoy the FOOLPROOF MUSIC BRACKET.

Songs-bracket_medium

FIRST FOUR

Mt. St. Mary's vs. Albany

Songs: "The Devil To Pay" by Iced Earth (only known song to mention Emmitsburg) vs. "The Misty Coast of Albany" by T. Rex

Winner: "The Misty Coast of Albany"

Iowa vs. Tennessee

Songs: "Iowa" by Brian Perry vs. "Tennessee" by Arrested Development

Winner: This is a SHOCKINGLY close matchup but I'm going with "Iowa"

Cal Poly vs. Texas Southern University

Songs: "San Luis Obispo" by Scissor Sisters vs. "Houston" by Soul Coughing

Winner: "San Luis Obispo"

NC State vs. Xavier

Songs: "I Gotchoo" by Bowling For Soup vs. "Jesus Take the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood

Winner: Whoever isn't Bowling For Soup

SECOND ROUND

South

(1) Florida vs. (16) Albany

Songs: "The State of Florida" by Less Than Jake vs. "The Misty Coast of Albany"

Winner: "The State of Florida"

(8) Colorado vs. (9) Pittsburgh

Songs: "Colorado" by Linda Ronstadt vs. "A Good Man Is Hard to Find (In Pittsburgh)" by Bruce Springsteen

Winner: BRUUUUUUCE

(5) VCU vs. (12) SF Austin

Songs: "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down" by The Band vs. "The Kid" by Ben Nichols

Winner: "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down"

(4) UCLA vs. (13) Tulsa

Songs: Pick basically any song about LA vs. I dunno, "Tulsa Turnaround" by Kenny Rogers

Winner: UCLA

(6) Ohio State vs. (11) Dayton

Songs: "Uptown" by Drake feat. Bun B and Lil' Wayne vs. "Dayton, Ohio" by Randy Newman

Winner: "Uptown"

(3) Syracuse vs. (14) Western Michigan

Songs: "Syracuse" by Pink Martini vs. "Kalamazoo" by Glenn Miller

Winner: "Syracuse"

(7) New Mexico vs. (10) Stanford

Songs: "New Mexico" by Johnny Cash vs. "Palo Alto" by Radiohead

Winner: "New Mexico"

(2) Kansas vs. (15) Eastern Kentucky

Songs: "The Devil Came From Kansas" by Procol Harum vs. "You'll Never Leave Harlan Alive" by Brad Paisley

Winner: "You'll Never Leave Harlan Alive"

East

(1) Virginia vs. (16) Coastal Carolina

Songs: "Virginia" by Clipse vs. "Coast of Carolina" by Telekinesis

Winner: "Virginia"

(8) Memphis vs. (9) George Washington

Songs: "Walking in Memphis" vs. "George Washington"

Winner: GEORGE WASHINGTON

(5) Cincinnati vs. (12) Harvard

Songs: The theme song from "WKRP in Cincinnati" vs. "Cambridge" by Motion City Soundtrack

Winner: "WKRP in Cincinnati"

(4) Michigan State vs. (13) Delaware

Songs: "The Freshmen" (potentially about college) by the Verve Pipe (from East Lansing) vs. "Delaware" by Perry Como

Winner: "The Freshmen"

(6) North Carolina vs. (11) Providence

Songs: "Raise Up" by Petey Pablo vs. "Providence, RI" by Nickel Eye

Winner: "Raise Up"

(3) Iowa State vs. (14) NC Central

Songs: "Iowa" by Slipknot vs. "Welcome to Durham" by Little Brother feat. Big Daddy Kane

Winner: "Welcome to Durham"

(7) UConn vs. (10) St. Joseph's

Songs: "Flat Line" by Young Chris vs. "St. Joseph's" by the Avett Brothers

Winner: "Flat Line"

(2) Villanova vs. (15) Milwaukee

Songs: "Villanova Junction" by Jimi Hendrix vs. "What's Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made A Loser Out of Me)" by Jerry Lee Lewis

Winner: Real close call here, but the Milwaukee song has "loser" IN THE TITLE, so "Villanova Junction"

West

(1) Arizona vs. (16) Weber State

Songs: "Comin' From Tucson" by Limbeck vs. "The Beehive State" by Harry Nilsson

Winner: "Comin' From Tucson"

(8) Gonzaga vs. (9) Oklahoma State

Songs: "Jolene" by Zac Brown Band vs. "Okie From Muskogee" by Merle Haggard

Winner: "Okie From Muskogee"

(5) Oklahoma vs. (12) North Dakota State

Songs: "Oklahoma" by The Call vs. "Fargo, North Dakota" by Carter Burwell

Winner: "Oklahoma"

(4) San Diego State vs. (13) New Mexico State

Songs: "Booyaka 619" by P.O.D. vs. "Las Cruces Jail" by Two Gallants

Winner: "Booyaka 619," inexplicably

(6) Baylor vs. (11) Nebraska

Songs: "Busted in Baylor County" by Shooter Jennings vs. "Nebraska" by Bruce Springsteen

Winner: "Nebraska"

(3) Creighton vs. (14) Louisiana

Songs: "Omaha" by Waylon Jennings vs. "Born On the Bayou" by Creedence Clearwater Revival

Winner: "Omaha"

(7) Oregon vs. (10) BYU

Songs: "Oregon Trail" by Woody Guthrie vs. "The Red Hills of Utah" by Marty Robbins

Winner: "Oregon Trail"

(2) Wisconsin vs. (15) American

Songs: "Wisconsin" by Bon Iver vs. "Real American" by Rick Derringer

Winner: "Wisconsin"

Midwest

(1) Wichita State vs. (16) Cal Poly

Songs: "Wichita Lineman" by Glen Campbell vs. "San Luis Obispo"

Winner: "Wichita Lineman"

(8) Kentucky vs. (9) Kansas State

Songs: "Kentucky Rain" by Elvis Presley vs. "Kansas" by Gucci Mane feat. Jim Jones

Winner: "Kentucky Rain"

(5) St. Louis vs. (12) Xavier

Songs: "St. Louie" by Nelly vs. "Jesus Take the Wheel"

Winner: "St. Louie," which will essentially be a proxy for "Hot in Herre"

(4) Louisville vs. (13) Manhattan

Songs: "Louisville" by Dwight Yoakam vs. "Marching Bands of Manhattan" by Death Cab For Cutie

Winner: "Marching Bands of Manhattan"

(6) UMass vs. (11) Iowa

Songs: "Massachusetts Afternoon" by the Blue Jean Committee vs. "Iowa"

Winner: "Massachusetts Afternoon"

(3) Duke vs. (14) Mercer

Songs: "Carolina in My Mind" by James Taylor vs. "Walkin' Back to Georgia" by Jim Croce

Winner: "Walkin' Back to Georgia"

(7) Texas vs. (10) Arizona State

Songs: "If You're Gonna Play in Texas" by Alabama vs. "Arizona" by Scorpions

Winner: "Arizona"

(2) Michigan vs. (15) Wofford

Songs: "Anne Arbour" by Get Up Kids vs. lol is wofford seriously a real thing

Winner: "Anne Arbour"

Higher Education

THIRD ROUND

South

(1) Florida vs. (9) Pittsburgh

Songs: "The State of Florida" vs. "A Good Man Is Hard to Find (In Pittsburgh)"

Winner: "The State of Florida"

(5) VCU vs. (4) UCLA

Songs: "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down" vs. oh, let's say "L.A. Woman" by the Doors

Winner: "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down"

(6) Ohio State vs. (3) Syracuse

Songs: "Uptown" vs. "Syracuse"

Winner: "Uptown"

(7) New Mexico vs. (15) Eastern Kentucky

Songs: "New Mexico" vs. "You'll Never Leave Harlan Alive"

Winner: "You'll Never Leave Harlan Alive"

East

(1) Virginia vs. (9) George Washington

Songs: "Virginia" vs. "George Washington"

Winner: "Virginia"

(5) Cincinnati vs. (4) Michigan State

Songs: "WKRP in Cincinnati" vs. "The Freshmen"

Winner: "WKRP in Cincinnati"

(6) North Carolina vs. (14) NC Central

Songs: "Raise Up" vs. "Welcome to Durham"

Winner: "Raise Up"

(7) Uconn vs. (2) Villanova

Songs: "Flat Line" vs. "Villanova Junction"

Winner: "Villanova Junction"

West

(1) Arizona vs. (9) Oklahoma State

Songs: "Comin' From Tucson vs. "Okie From Muskogee"

Winner: "Okie From Muskogee"

(5) Oklahoma vs. (4) San Diego State

Songs: "Oklahoma" vs. "Booyaka 619"

Winner: "Oklahoma," but it was shockingly close

(11) Nebraska vs. (3) Creighton

Songs: "Nebraska" vs. "Omaha"

Winner: "Omaha"

(7) Oregon vs. (2) Wisconsin

Songs: "Oregon Trail" vs. "Wisconsin"

Winner: "Wisconsin"

Midwest

(1) Wichita State vs. (8) Kentucky

Songs: "Wichita Lineman" vs. "Kentucky Rain"

Winner: "Kentucky Rain"

(5) St. Louis vs. (13) Manhattan

Songs: "St. Louie" vs. "Marching Bands of Manhattan"

Winner: "St. Louie"

(6) UMass vs. (14) Mercer

Songs: "Massachusetts Afternoon" vs. "Walkin' Back to Georgia"

Winner: "Massachusetts Afternoon"

(10) Arizona State vs. (2) Michigan

Songs: "Arizona" vs. "Anne Arbour"

Winner: "Anne Arbour"

SWEET SIXTEEN

South

(1) Florida vs. (5) VCU

Songs: "The State of Florida" vs. "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down"

Winner: "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down"

(6) Ohio State vs. (15) Eastern Kentucky

Songs: "Uptown" vs. "You'll Never Leave Harlan Alive"

Winner: "You'll Never Leave Harlan Alive"

East

(1) Virginia vs. (5) Cincinnati

Songs: "Virginia" vs. "WKRP in Cincinnati"

Winner: "Virginia"

(6) North Carolina vs. (2) Villanova

Songs: "Raise Up" vs. "Villanova Junction"

Winner: "Raise Up"

West

(9) Oklahoma State vs. (5) Oklahoma

Songs: "Okie From Muskogee" vs. "Oklahoma"

Winner: "Okie From Muskogee"

(3) Creighton vs. (2) Wisconsin

Songs: "Omaha" vs. "Wisconsin"

Winner: "Omaha"

Midwest

(8) Kentucky vs. (5) St. Louis

Songs: "Kentucky Rain" vs. "St. Louie"

Winner: "Kentucky Rain"

(6) UMass vs. (2) Michigan

Songs: "Massachusetts Afternoon" vs. "Anne Arbour"

Winner: "Massachusetts Afternoon"

ELITE EIGHT

(5) VCU vs. (15) Eastern Kentucky

Songs: "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down" vs. "You'll Never Leave Harlan Alive"

Winner: "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down"

(1) Virginia vs. (6) North Carolina

Songs: "Virginia" vs. "Raise Up"

Winner: "Raise Up"

(9) Oklahoma State vs. (3) Creighton

Songs: "Okie From Muskogee" vs. "Omaha"

Winner: "Okie From Muskogee"

(8) Kentucky vs. (6) UMass

Songs: "Kentucky Rain" vs. "Massachusetts Afternoon"

Winner: "Kentucky Rain"

FINAL FOUR

(5) VCU vs. (6) North Carolina

Songs: "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down" vs. "Raise Up"

Winner: "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down"

(9) Oklahoma State vs. (8) Kentucky

Songs: "Okie From Muskogee" vs. "Kentucky Rain"

Winner: "Kentucky Rain"

NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP

(5) VCU vs. (8) Kentucky

Songs: "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down" vs. "Kentucky Rain"

Winner: "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down"

NATIONAL CHAMPION: VCU

*i have no idea what i'm doing

**this is just such a bad idea my gosh

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