This week in schadenfreude: Texas puts Mack Brown in the basement

ShaggyBevo user "juan pantages"

TWIS rounds up the most ludicrous reactions to college football weekly. This edition features some idiot taking his girlfriend to the Red River Shootout, ALL CAPS WEST VIRGINIA REACTIONS, Virginia fans demanding hip-hop they've never heard of, Gernans bombing Pearl Harbor, and Jon Embree self-high-fiving. Also someone is awarded a spider.

Say this much for Texas: they have some smoking hot women who genuinely care about football. Unfortunately for Longhorns fans, the rest of the nation generally finds this out when one of them is reacting in disbelief to Texas getting annihilated at DKR. A couple years ago it was Oh My God Girl watching UCLA club Texas, 34-12; this weekend introduced us all to Don't Read Her Lips Girl:

Texas-fan-f-bomb_medium

I'm in love. Texas proceeded to lose 63-21.

Gamethread:

$#@!

$#@! $#@! $#@! $#@! $#@!

$#@!

$#@! how did we miss that pick there?

$#@! Manny.

Seems that Manny drew up another screen door defense

$#@! $#@! $#@!

My sons mini football team runs that same bell sweep with 2 blockers. It's impossible to stop lol. For 8 yr olds

Hello early 2000's. I didn't miss you.

$#@! this $#@!. I mean seriously. $#@!

Oh, here's a 95 yard TD run. Not surprised.

I want that son of a bitch diaz jobless, homeless, and penniless by the end of the day.

i blame urban meyer's fake cancer.

I'm going to watch the Hallmark Channel.

and then the first quarter ends.

Aftermath is as you would expect:

This is the thread where we destroy our tickets:

Many "bad fans" like me have vowed to not attend games. Here, we show that we really mean it. This thread is not to get anyone's attention, but just for...I really don't know.

…In accounting, this is called a "sunk cost" and is completely worthless to discuss. You paid for the tickets whether anyone sits in them or not. You weren't going to sell them if our team was worth a $#@!, so you'd be out that $ anyway. My position is, "I was going to be able to pay my bills attending awesome football games, so I will manage the same NOT going to the '$#@!-show'".

Df018c43-af98-46c3-b3f7-ece90e16ad3e-6945-0000076554f7600c_medium

And this guy… what are you doing, guy? Never bring a lady to a game in which you may get torn to tiny shreds by your most hated rival. Emphasis added:

I $#@!ing lost it. Check this scenario out. I brought my girlfriend of 7 months to the game (bad $#@!ing idea). This was her first game we have been to together. (She was working for the first 2 games, and we missed WVU for family obligations)

So this is our first game together. I am wasted, in the stands, and we are getting our $#@! pushed in. I $#@!ing hate everything. And she doesn’t know or understand what this game means to me, or how I will react when losing to ou. $#@! gets bad. She thinks I have anger issues because I start wishing death to bob stoops and every other ou fan. I am screaming and yelling at our team to do something, and I am pretty sure I issued a jihad against Phillips and Thompson for sucking so much $#@! on the field.

So after the game she takes me aside and "we have a talk," she asks me why I hate ou so much, and tells me that those fans have done nothing to you. She says, "you literally said, you wished all those trailer park mother $#@!ers would die on the way back to oklahoma" and that NOOOOBODY else thinks like that...(I should have told her to go to Shaggy) so I just shut down and was too depressed to start an argument. I understand now that she just doesn’t get it. She went to UT but doesn’t live and die TX football. She is pretty awesome because she is still with me after that entire fiasco. I told her I am only like this with ou, so I have to be on my best behavior the rest of the year. So if/when we lose to Baylor or Iowa state at home, I don’t know what I will do.

I didn’t go over the top did I? I need some positive reinforcement from people who understand...

Next week, this guy and his special lady friend take a special trip to Lars Von Trier's new movie Several Adorable Animals Put In A Wood Chipper. He is Scott Tenorman of the Week, and will be next week too when he is forever alone yet again.

Troll troll troll:

Hey guys, I was at a wedding yesterday and had to record the game. Did I miss anything?

Sgt Hulk: We were tied at kick off

neonmoon44: Please watch it and post your reactions in real time.

Orange Marrow: A word of advice:
1) unplug your DVR
2) toss it into a dumpster
3) ignite dumpster
You'll get the same effect as watching Texas play while being able to roast hot dogs and marshmallows. Just roll with it. Trust me.

H34TX: Texas won 27-23 on a last play of the game herp derp 64 yard run by Case. F'n incredible.

Spellgni Awrd Of Der Weec:

Angry I will fistfight any of you mother%$&ers riggt now

srsly sned me a pm if you want these knuckles across your big white asses

That's from Randy.

Omega Man: I'll fight you, meet me behind O'Connells, Boomer Sooner

Randy: mother$#@!r you better leave bfore i light your railer on fire

texashunter76401: Lighten up there francis lol go ram your fist in mack's butt lol:-)

Randy: i will pay you to come $#@! with me, cameron road in front of fran's bitch

Gatorubet: I will accept your pugilistic invitation, but only if you can assure me you will be wearing a baseball cap turned sideways.

Randy: sry i'm not an urban youth

BONUS: Random Michigan fan on Shaggy Bevo posts inspiring story of program recovery, says things will be okay, responds to all responses to his OP with "it's not your fault" + picture of Robin Williams hugging Matt Damon from Good Will Hunting, is not received particularly well.

Texas receives the Tears of Unfathomable Sadness.

The rest of the week in spleen:


The Alphabetical: Alabama is so sorry || Watch Shutdown Fullback recap Week 7

ACC

Boston College check up

Spaz is pathetic and Bates shouldn't wait to fire him

What did Spaz say to his players and coaches at half? "That's enough." "Nice 30 minutes, now let's hurry up and get out of here."

…status quo.

Virginia check-in after a fifth straight loss, this to Maryland:

How much longer can I still blame Groh?

I am thinking of blaming him until 2018

And Virginia being self-aware:

Do you all think that UVA is failing on the "overall" game day
experience? I mean, as far as engaging the crowd and getting them
into the game? (I know that the team performance plays into this and
can somewhat counter their efforts) VT plays Enter Sandman and
Hokies start dry humping each other. We're in a key part of the game
and the band breaks into Backstreet Boys. I was fully prepared to hear
Ambrosia and Karen Carpenter by the 4th quarter.

THIS IS FREAKING FOOTBALL! I DON'T NEED TO HEAR NSYNC,
OR HEAR TERESA SULLIVAN TELLING ME WHAT A BIG WAHOO
SHE IS (and she is a BIG wahoo)! I WANT LAROY TO RIP THE HEAD
OFF OF SOMEONE AND RUN OVER AND SHOVE IT UP EDSELL'S
@$% AND THEN HAVE THE STADIUM BREAK INTO SOME FREAKIN
BAD$%$ HIP HOP SONG I'VE NEVER HEARD OF BUT THAT I'LL TRY
TO DANCE TO WITH FIREWORKS POPPING OFF EVERYWHERE!!
COME ON!!!!

I want to see this as well.

Big East

UConn lost, 17-14, to Temple, which yes is now in the Big East again. Whoah:

UConn was up, 14-0, at that point. I'm going to step away from the conference now.

Big Twelve

Oh, hey, West Virginia. Why are you here? Right, that. You've just gotten hammered by Texas Tech, so it's time to hit up the Scout message board and find thread titles in all caps and/or sporting exclamation points:

I'm not sure that WVUStudent needs to remind the board of the proper procedures

How to: Proper Meltdown Thread Format


Please include the following:
  • LOTS OF CAPITALIZED WORDS AND EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (correct spelling not necessary)
  • Asinine claims.
  • References about how former coaching staffs would have won this game.
  • Fire the coach that you think is most at fault.
  • At least 1 Big East reference
  • Must mention how ESPN or any other national media member hates us.
By following this protocol, you can make a difference in your Mountaineer Football Experience.

They've got it down.

Big Ten

Michigan State entered the year hoping this would finally be the year they make a Rose Bowl. Three games in they're 1-2, with that win a narrow one over Indiana. Pleasure: they do not have it.

680683_medium

OC on the right. Probably.

They're not big fans of their offensive coordinator:

A syphilitic howler monkey could do just as good a job as roushar.

JLS resets abound:

blah blah blah. He might as well have slapped himself across the face for all anybody cares about what he has to say right now.

This man may have been drunk:

I t was a nice 4 yr run but the gernans are going to bomb Pearl

PleASE HAVE YOUR bUD lIGHT MILLER 64, bECAUCE WE ALL KNOW THE AMERICAN BEER IIKEMAKING LOVE TO A WOMEN IN A CANOE....F---ING CLOSE TO WATER!!!

wal_verines Eleventy Billion
green_koolaid 6

Response:

+1 Here's a spider for your troubles

Michigan State fans cope as only they can:

How are you coping with football failure?

WesternSpartan: Denial.

tManWithNoName: All I've got is Ambien. I guess I could sleep through this.

MSUDancinBear: Not well.

JMCSpartan08: I've just been drinking and wandering aimlessly through the streets, praying for an out of control driver and sweet relief.

Spartan86: Goat f---ing. Seriously. We have a small hobby goat herd, but no buck. After yesterday's game we took a couple of does to get freshened. So, basically, yes, goat f---ing.

Ah.

Purdue had a great start against Wisconsin! They scored a touchdown! Then things happened!

Purdue plays a solid 1 minute of football. Still loses 38-14

Oh. It's coach-firin' time in West Lafayette now.

The band Avenged Sevenfold has a song called, "An Epic of Time Wasted." That is now the official theme song of the Danny Hope era in West Lafayette, which needs to come to an end this year.

The era of Walrus coaches may be nearing an end.

It's over, man.

It’s time for a change. Hope and his stupid mustache have lost again. ..

After four years and all the platitudes and broken promises you can think of, Purdue is no closer to ever getting there. In fact, they’re going backwards. Fluke losses to Rice aren’t flukes. Over-hyped conference play is a disappointment. Hope talks shit, gets blown out. …

If there was one B1G coach in the hot seat this year, it was Danny Hope. Has he done anything to cool it down? No.

He just talks shit with his stupid mustache.

/rant

by Meager Reader on Oct 13, 2012 8:48 PM PDT

Don't blame the mustache, man. Come on. Listen to this guy:

The only thing wrong with your analysis

it’s unfair to hold the actual mustache responsible – I’m not talking about the man referred to as ‘The Moustache’, but the actual fur on his upper lip.

That said, I WOULD be in favor of letting his facial hair make game day decisions one week – just to try something different.

by boilerslim on Oct 14, 2012 3:40 AM PDT

If you're dumping walruses, allow the fanbase to suggest another marine animal:

356owv_medium

Pac-12

It's time to check in with Colorado again after a 51-17 loss to Arizona State:

Dallas Buff: Pathetic. How many alums do we have? Nobody gives a **** about how bad we are. I hate all of you.

MtnBuff: cantwealljustgetalong.jpg

Burrito Palazzo: I drowned that guy in a pool!

Nobody home, except one guy:

Lt.Col.FrankSlade: 4th quarter crowd looks..... sparse...To put it mildly.

SuperBuff: its bad im abive the band right niw and no one with twenty yards, but i did expise myself sooo....

And it's time to throw in the towel:

i'm officially out of hope

there is absolutely no reason to believe that CU football will ever be relevant again, let alone "good." …

as long as that is true, there is no point in donating, supporting, or following this. why should i care if they don't care? why should i hope for miracles when they won't even put some basic foundational stuff in place to give us a chance to be competitive?

I… I agree.

Leave now, Colorado fans, before it's too late. It is already too late.

SEC

Auburn: like Kentucky without a basketball program. A week after losing to Arkansas they go down by three touchdowns to Ole Miss for the Rebs' first win in 16(!) conference games. Open letters are short and to the point:

Unread Message Dear coaching staff

F*CK YOU!!!!!
That is all

That is a moderator on that board.

Also:

Unread Message Pat Dye has to go!!!!

??? Pat Dye retired in 1992.

Biz Eagle: I thought when we got rid of Lowder, then everything would be utopia. After Dye is gone, who will the next evil puppet master be?

At least they're not wearing pink accessories:

Unread Message Shut up and take it

Not much to say anymore. There comes a point when you just need to accept it for what it is. Just be happy that we have great looking uniforms.

No one can take that away from you. You did not dress up as the Bushwackers on Saturday, unlike South Carolina.

NEXT WEEK: Michigan State or Michigan is despondent! Manziel versus Hat! South Carolina-Florida! Auburn loses to Vandy by three scores! FSU-Miami! OH MY GOD WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO COLORADO AGAINST USC.

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