This Week In Schadenfreude: LSU makes Alabama cry, does not enjoy it much

blubber blubber awww - Derick E. Hingle-US PRESSWIRE

TWIS catalogues the most ridiculous things said about college football weekly. This week: LSU fans get their wish, dislike wish. Spaziani goes full Picard.. More is expected from Maryland, for some reason. Someone is termed "butter teeth hand-clapper." Murder is wished on the Kiffins. And, of course, Hitler.

LSU came up short against Alabama again, and managed to create the most epic jinx thread of the year in doing so:

Name ONE Bama Player You Wanna See Cry Today


I'd never wish harm to any of these kids.
With that said, I wouldn't mind seeing Barrett Jones go skydiving without a parachute.

The "I'm not a racist, but…" of threads. What say you, Tiger Droppings?

AJ McCarron - when he finds out Wing nailed his mom.

AJ for sure.
I hate that guy.

Who cries when you just get redos after you lose

the entire offense after AJ is sacked 5 times in one quarter

Your wish is granted.

This thread is really awkward now

Elsewhere, some LSU fans… I do not know what planet they hail from, but it is not one that speaks the same language I do.

There has to be a way to get Miles to stop coaching scared


and without the ungodly retarded playcalls, WITHOUT having to fire him

i don't want les fired. we couldn't afford it if he was, and our AD is likely to make a horrible hire anyway

it's just mind-numbing that he's still coaching scared AND that he makes such stupid playcalls so often. there has to be a way to get him to stop doing both short of firing him

The Hat. Coaching scared. These two concepts are linked together. The man eats grass and wins by calling fake field goals on eighth down, including one in the 'Bama game. I don't even know man. To be fair, most of the respondents are in the LOLWUT bin.

Brettesaurus Rex: I think he was coaching the opposite of scared, to be honest.

SlowFloPro (OP): last night was an exception...not the rule. i was happy with the aggression

ProjectP2294: Then this is pretty fricking weird time to start this thread.

Also:

Options: make a Facebook group, start a petition, make a website, write a strongly worded letter, go to Miles' house and speak with him in person, BRAIN SURGERY.

Irony meter… explodes.

We are a spoiled fan base. We have had success in the recent past and expect perfection. We have some of the best football players in the nation. We are charged fees to purchase season tickets and to park at football games that are supposed to ensure our place among the nation's elite football programs.

The future of our program is in the hands of a coach whose philosophy centers around a Big 10 football mentality where we exchange field goals for touchdowns, depend on our defense to win close games, and use tricks or gadget plays to mask our shortcomings in terms of talented personnel on the field.

In his world, any team in our league can beat us in the last seconds of the game, with one play.

Is this what we want in a coach?

LSU has lost five games the last three years, two of them against national title winners with a third pending.

Pure pain is sure to be met with kindness, since it is the internet.

Damn this loss hurts...I'm not over it


its going to affect me for a while.
please somebody help me

Jrvdamac: How can anyone help you with this?

ipodking: Just SMILE

EastBankTiger: Watch Auburn. You'll feel much better quickly.

A "MottLaneKid" follows up with a manifesto for everyone.

I have a problem with LSU sports and expectations. I must learn to accept that these are kids playing a game. A game . I get mad and upset and I boil in anger after a loss like this. I feel like I should be more mature at 44. I become outraged at coach Saban's winning NC 's while my Tigers play second fiddle.

I must learn to disengage from that kind of mentality and not become tangled in kids playing a game. I need to grow up and not care so much, then I won't be disappointed in Les Miles or be mad at CNS. I can't live this way any more.

Yes, we must all learn to do this. This week will be different. This week will be free of spleen. One day at a time.

Starting tomorrow.

[LSU receives Tears of Unfathomable Sadness. Week in spleen, etc.]

ACC

Probably the last notable thing Frank Spaziani will do as a college head coach is go Full Picard in Boston College's loss to Wake Forest:

A6zvsbycaailrlq_medium

BC fans just want it to end, now now now. They're harassing their new AD's twitter account, demanding Spaziani's termination in blog posts, etc. All the things they've been doing for a year and a half now, except I guess the old AD didn't have a twitter account or any idea what the goal of a football game was.

Here's BC Interruption's resident weird old(?) guy:

Bates Has NO THERE THERE???

Give the guy a break. Doug Martin showed his true colors in those Pop Warner calls in the red zone. DM is a low end LOSER! McGoo McGovern is a worst career house lackey hanger-on stooge than Spazoo??

BC has some real low end talent and lower end coaches and 3 more games will be excruciating and humiliating, especially if ND scorches us 59-0, but there are really no options.

THERE IS NO THERE THERE?

Bates will make his bones on the Head Football Coaching hire and if BC gets outbid or chokes, then Bates will instantly become Uncle Leo’s House Hood Ornament Gofer Boy. Sorry, but TRUE!

Can you think of anyone who can instantly bring BC from the depths of Spazooageddon Dante’s Last rectum of Hell than Bob Diaco?

Anyone? Bueller? McFly?

FOCUS as Mr. Miagi said, on the SOLUTION which is a Bob Diaco or equivalent status?

This digraceful MDLB will end in 23 days, so do like I did and tweet Brad about Bob Diaco and your posts and ideas like I attached.

The season is over. Spazoo is done.

Keep your focus and energy and intense pressure on BC and the BOT, Mrs. McGoo, Leahy-Hoo and the rest of these lazy 3 pound lobster for lunch eater stooges and set them on the yachting course (we are good at sailing) towards Bob Diaco.

Bring signs! Bring paper bags with Bring Diaco across the front. BC is not gonna put another wooden Indian stand-in cardborad asshole on the sidelines for number #3 ND and 3 more games???

We have been disgraced and humiliated and are a national laughingstock for 23 more days.

by BCEagle74 on Nov 4, 2012 6:28 AM PDT

At Virginia Tech they're sorting through the ashes and coming to the same conclusion Kansas fans did: football coaches keep their brains somewhere other than their head.

Thin Frank Beamer

Is it possible the Frankinator had so much football knowledge that it leaked out of his brain, got gobbled up by his fat cells where it remained happily tucked away? Until someone convinces me otherwise, yes. I'm not sure which is worse, replacing a steady diet of turkey legs with celery sticks or playing fewer starters on special teams.

Whatever the cause, facts are facts and thin Frank Beamer is a horrible head coach. He has just four wins in the BCS era, four. Fat Frank Beamer, well, he was national coach of the year, a conference champion many times over, a special teams guru. Fat Frank Beamer led this program to a national championship appearance.

Charlie Weis is busy disproving this at Kansas, unfortunately.

I hypothesized that Angry Iowa Running Back-Hating God was on the loose after finally taking down every last Hawkeye tailback, even the walk-on fullback, and blowing up some OL on its way out of town. We have found its landing place: Maryland.

It wouldn't be a Monday this season without learning about a key Maryland player suffering from a torn ACL, would it? It appears that Angry Maryland Quarterback-Hating God has now shifted over to the defensive side of the ball, taking aim at star linebacker Demetrius Hartsfield, the quarterback of the defense, ending his season with three games remaining.

The hit list:

Just to recap, Maryland has now lost C.J. Brown (starting QB), Perry Hills (QB), Caleb Rowe (QB) and now Hartsfield to season-ending ACL injuries. We also lost Devin Burns to a broken foot. And four of those five injuries have come within the past two weeks.

React:

ACL tears are 99% mental

This is solidly on Edsall

by DrH-Terp2005 on Nov 5, 2012 10:28 AM PST

Not sure if serious dot jpg.

Bonus: star WR Stefon Diggs—at this point AKA "the Maryland offense"—is in a walking boot. React:

Can we just forfeit the rest of our games and start resting up for next year? JFC.

As a result, Maryland started converted linebacker Shawn Petty last week at QB. It went about as well as you might think, and it is now basketball season, but first a gamethread in which I'm mostly just looking for "Rangoon" references:

i want to hear rangoon's standup routine

The Terps are officially an intramural flag football team. Yes I took GT -8 and I'm counting the MONEY!

time for the wildgoon

So far my "wild crab" and mention of injuries and freshmen drinking game seems to have netted a decent buzz which is helping the part of me dying inside watching this.

this may be the worst football game i've ever seen. when i played for the silver spring saints in peewees or whatever we played some crappy teams. but nothing like this.

Randrew B. Edsall - The Debbie Downer of Football Coaches

Edsall is a total loser coach. When he is fired or run off (and this is going to come from the President) we will ALL be better off and can get back to winning football. Not year the guy will have another excuse, he is working his way to 6-6 or 7-5 in which he has dumbed us into believing is a great year.

I EXPECT MORE FROM MARYLAND

Wildgoon. That is all.

Big East

A nation's hope was crushed by Pitt's kicker on Saturday, and that nation includes pretty much legendarily bad Panther QB Tino Sunseri:

"We missed a field goal. That’s why we lost the game," Pitt quarterback Tino Sunseri said. "It came down to a special teams play, we didn’t make the play. Give credit to Notre Dame for being able to finish it off."

Bus. Kicker, you are under it. As Pitt Blather says:

Ultimately it doesn’t matter what Sunseri "meant" by that. He is absolutely the last person on the Pitt squad that should ever — EVER — even appear to be pissing on another player or coach.

Immediate react in the gamethread:

Sickening!!

Good game my ass!!! You had your foot on the neck many times. Never cut the head off.

Horrible.

Some want to claim moral victory??

Sorry, don’t include me. Sick to my stomach!!!!

It was there for the taking so many times.

Sickening!!!!!!

Comment by Dan 11.03.12 @ 7:51 pm

Final Analysis…

It was the BLUE PANTS! GOLD would have won!!

Comment by PittofDreams 11.03.12 @ 8:44 pm

"I am constant as the northern star,
Of whose true-fix’d and resting quality
There is no fellow in the firmament."

– Pitt athletics, the most reliable thing in all of life, which will NEVER fail to let you down.

Comment by BATR 11.04.12 @ 12:20 pm

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that's the first time Shakespeare has ever made an appearance in this column without bothering to check.

Big Ten

It's been a season of nut punches for Michigan State and your author got to share the experience last weekend as the Spartans took on Nebraska, losing to a combination of bad defense down the stretch and horrendous officiating. Also this:

WHEN YOU’RE RUSHING FOR 5.5 YARDS A CARRY FEEL FREE TO RUN ON 4th and 2 with 2 minutes left in the game, RUN THE DAMNED BALL. WHAT IN THE HOLY SHITBALLS DID MSU PUNT FOR? An extra 19 yards of field position? You’re either going to stop Martinez or you’re not.

I KNOW MAN I KNOW AAARGH.

The officiating, meanwhile:

How Bad Do you want the public apology from the Big Ten?

gutless247: they would never apologize because the refs were following orders from the B1G to "watch msu closely" for penalties.

Lunchables @ gutless 247: Isn't it their job to watch closely for penalties?

YouDoubleJack: I would be a hell of a lot happier if the entire officiating crew was fired and exiled to pick for scraps in metropolitan landfill.

PunjabiExpress: I would prefer a public whipping of Bill Lemonnier.

Gob_Bluth: I'm not going to worry about something that would never, ever happen. I do hope Bill Lemmonier gets eaten by rabid wolves though.

Spartans hopped on twitter to concur:

708632_medium

Also, FB/TE Lawrence Thomas:

I can't say they're wrong, but Lawrence Thomas gets Scott Tenorman of the Week for ALL-CAPSing it.

Big Twelve

Texas Tech lost to Texas, which is actually disappointing this year. Incoming: greatest Mack Brown nickname ever.

Getting out-coached by butter teeth- hand clapper


Oh the humanity!

Response:

Total self-implosion. Outcoached, outplayed, etc. Empty seats before game was over. Total embarrassment.

Existential post:

WHY?


Why do we run the ball on 1st and 20 for 2 yards?
Why do we make ash look like a Heisman candidate?
bangheadbangheadbangheadbangheadbangheadbanghead

Would you like a book-length rant about terrible everything but mostly Texas fans?

The wonderful "longhorn" couple in front of me had a guy with neck tattoos who was literally palming a blade the whole time. To my left, there was a douchy UT kid who never STFU and was dumb enough to cheer for the Texas Tech Ricky Williams because he apparently thought we were honoring the UT pothead in our stadium.

It is at the link if you so desire.

Pac-12

Biohazard time was we dip into the horrible horrible horrible USC fans at Wild West Sports after the Trojans couldn't keep pace with the Oregon offense:

LOL USC football

By: Requiem

any Kiffin defenders left? …

It's also going to be funny watching the "potential greatest of all time Trojan" Matt Barkley lead SC into the Drug Cartel Bowl in El Paso, TX.

Maybe someone can convince the Kiffins to tour Juarez one night. That's one way to get rid of them....

Sad, isn't it? SC football is completely

By: Fred_Thompson

unwatchable right now. The Kiffins are a complete embarrassment to USC right now, not only from the coaching ineptness, but also their public relations issues.

I am sick and tired of hearing that snotty faced brat mumble his BS excuses in the post game press conferences. It's Hackett II, and we have the bald headed traitor to thank for keeping these clowns around forever. He'll never fire goatboy, never.

If by some chance, goatboy did get nabbed in Juarez, I have ZERO faith that Haden would hire anything resembling a competent replacement. We'd get Sark or Norv Turner or some crap like that.

Norv Turner coaching USC would probably literally kill half of WWS.

San Clemente? YEAAAAAAH

it's because of worthless idiots like you

By: San Clemente

wait for it…

that Hitler was able to take power .

I am sure you are just fine is Monte staying in his 4 3 soft zone defense all game.

How dare anyone question such genius. sc

SCORE

SEC

Mississippi State is the kind of program that has an active independent message board featuring this tagline:

Abandon all hope ye who cheer for the maroon and white

They were 7-0 and putting T-shirts on Bear Bryant that said believe. Two weeks later they're 7-2 with consecutive blowouts to Alabama and A&M and going Full Willingham on Dan Mullen:

Buy/sell: Most Croom games were better coached than this.

PBRME: Sell on your buy/sell. Buy this is one of the worst buy/sells ever.

Lucky13Dawg: We played today? I guess is missed it. I saw some bullshit happening in Starkville but it certainly wasn't a football game.

InaccuratePredictionsDawg: Buy... ..Croom would at least pitch a fit if you played like a girl. Mullen? I have no idea. I stopped paying attention 2 minutes into the Bama game.

chew1095: Buy. I don't recall a defense under Croom ever giving up 750 yards, or whatever the 17 it was today. [ed: 17 appears to be Six Pack Speak slang for the f-bomb.]

MSU was the first(!) team to put a twitter hashtag they have no control over on the field, something that as part of a gameday experience has apparently irritated Bulldog fans to the point where they just stop even trying to spell things.

Maybe it was because we were playing so bad, but almost everything we are currently doing as far as jumbotron, #snowbowl12, jumbotron commercials, etc. make me want to slam my nuts in a door. I am a 41 yr. old anglo saxon and I am longing for some hip-hop or rap. Just not "who let the dogs out". It is time to retire that one for good. If we have to endure the commercials could they at least be better than the ones i watch at the movie theater? They are awful and painful to watch. What has happened to our gamedays of two and three years ago? Loud and entertaining from beginning to end. You could tell LT was gone and I felt good about the future. And I don't want to see another gimmicky uniform.

Is it too late to halt work being don by the crains and take them over to dudy noble?

Zinger thread:

Give me your best hash tag to describe today's performance...

#IThoughtWeFiredCrooms

#RelentlessHashtags

#BLOWHOLE12

#croomball

#BAILSTATE

#FAILSTATE

#stalestate

#GarbageJuice!

#weshouldhaveexpandedwhiletherewaseconomicinterest

#worstpartof11amgamesisisatthroughthatgarbagesober andhavetorememberitall

#canweplayauburnagain

No.

And, finally:

Am I alone in thinking the halftime show based on end of the world was weird?

Or was everyone so pissed they didn't listen to the halftime intro.
However, the theme of end of world and the Mayan calendar was borderline bizarre.

Response:

I thought it very appropriate as well....

My nightmare/vision of the December 2012 end of the world includes the earth opening up with a burning sulphur stench at about midfield...all the while, the Famous Maroon band is playing some tribute to 1950's Broadway show tunes with a little Michael Jackson thrown in... On the way down as I am falling through the cracks in the heaving earth, I realize that Jameon Lewis is holding on for dear life to my left ankle and he still has the ball in his right arm...

That'll do, State.

NEXT WEEK: We're probably going into Hogville again as Arkansas takes on South Carolina. Wisconsin-Indiana: winner has to play in the Big Ten title game! Purdue-Iowa: rock bottom for someone, a false hope worse than death for the other! Will Arizona beat Colorado by 50 or lose by 50? Oh sweet lord, Georgia plays Auburn. Hide everything.

Look through SB Nation's many excellent college football blogs to find your team's community.

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