2013 BCS National Championship scene: Joe Theismann, lord of Miami

Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

SB Nation's BCS National Championship correspondent, Ty Hildenbrandt of the Solid Verbal college football podcast, returns with another dispatch from Miami. His first entry, on guerilla hotel broadcasting.

So, have you heard the one about Josh Elliott and Joe Theismann walking into a bar?

The scene was Miami's Delano Hotel, a swanky joint we had no business visiting if not for a get-together with a few media friends. In fairness, "swanky" doesn't quite do the Delano justice. It's an experience. With gratuitous and elegant drapery that sways gently in the lobby, and a pool area that looks too sophisticated for swimming, it's a scene out of every Dos Equis commercial. Hell, they probably wouldn't let the Dos Equis guy in the door.

Tons and tons of Alabama-Notre Dame game coverage

Suffice to say, every trophy wife, girlfriend and escort in South Beach was impressed when we rolled up in our rented Nissan Versa.

See, normal people don't go to the Delano unless they have a reason. The scenery is surreal, but so are the prices. Plus, nobody smiles at places like this. Nobody acts like they're having a good time. It's just serious people being serious, wondering how best to cut their pretension with a knife. Even Nick Saban would tell these stiffs to lighten up. It's South Beach for crying out loud, have a drink and stop looking for a damn mirror.

But for high society, the Delano provides the perfect blend of privacy and pleasure. If you're a mover and shaker, you'll have your pick of the proverbial litter. You won't have to worry about people bugging you for autographs, just how they'll eventually angle for some of your money. All things considered, it's a good problem to have.

That's where Josh Elliott comes in. In case you didn't know, Elliott is a former anchor for ESPN and a rising star on Good Morning America. He's also a young mountain of a man with good looks who just happened to be in town and, if only for a few minutes, was forced to stand in line with a bunch of attractive nobodies.

Elliott's face said it all: "Wait, I'm standing in line right now?" We asked the same question as we waited for our car. This was essentially Elliott's kingdom; why weren't they taking him seriously? What's a guy have to prove to be a star in this town? Furthermore, why wasn't Elliott playing his DO-YOU-KNOW-WHO-I-AM Card? Clearly, someone must watch morning television. This would've worked, right? Right?

Instead, Elliott took his medicine, impatiently fidgeting and presumably screaming, "I'm the host of GMA!!!" and, "I'll be on TV this Monday!!!" over and over until someone figured it out.

It was especially unfair when you consider that Joe Theismann, the 63-year old former quarterback and announcer, stopped by moments later and, with complete confidence, walked directly into the hotel with zero resistance.

What's Theismann done lately? At last check, he was doing commercials for SuperBeta Prostate and looking for any way to get attention. Even if he reserved an entire floor, there's no reason he should've be given carte blanche to come and go with such ease. Not if they've heard him call a game, anyway.

We didn't follow either guy into the hotel. That's for TMZ. But there's a lot to learn from the plight of Josh Elliott. As Notre Dame marches into SunLife Stadium on Monday night, it'll be met with the same stubborn resistance in the court of public opinion, where it remains a 10-point underdog against Alabama. Though the Irish have long been a name brand, they've been forced to re-establish themselves as a national power, and it wasn't until October that anyone considered them a contender. College football has come full-circle; Notre Dame is somehow a new kid on the block.

And no matter how much I tried to paint Joe Theismann into the metaphorical Alabama of this story, I just couldn't do it. After all, the Crimson Tide have thousands of loyal fans. Nobody roots for Joe Theismann.

Look through SB Nation's many excellent college football blogs to find your team's community.

Check out the SB Nation Channel on YouTube

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.